Episode 22 - A.I. Meets Online Dating

A.I. Meets Online Dating

In this episode of "Behind the Swipe," we delve into the transformative impact of AI on online dating, guided by the wisdom of Bill Gates who heralds AI as a pivotal breakthrough. We'll explore the nuances of generative AI, its role in enhancing dating profiles, and the ethical boundaries it tests. From the cinematic foresight of "Her" to practical applications like profile enhancement and communication aids, this episode unpacks the complex dance between technology and human connection. Join us as we ponder the future of AI in romance, balancing the marvels of tech with the timeless quest for genuine love. For a deep dive into the interplay of AI and the heart's desires, tune in.

This week’s Host (Solo Episode)

Hoyt Prisock

Host

I’m your host, Hoyt Prisock. I’m an Atlanta based serial technology entrepreneur. 19 years ago I created an online speed dating platform that successfully launched as a Match.com service. I’ve been fascinated by online dating ever since.

At age 59 I found myself divorced after 27 years of marriage. My efforts to demystify online dating for myself, and my innate curiosity and love of people led me to believe we can learn so much about ourselves by understanding the experiences of others who are also walking our path. My passion for sharing these stories led me to create Behind the Swipe.

Transcript:

Hoyt: 0:03
This is Behind the Swipe, the podcast that takes you inside the lives of real men and women over 40 who have taken the plunge into the often murky and sometimes exhilarating world of online dating. Each week, we explore new topics through the experiences and expectations of real online daters just like you. I'm your host, hoit Preissack. Join me as we peel back the one-dimensional dating profiles to discover the real men and women behind the swipe. Today, you are in for an eye-opening and even mind-blowing episode of Behind the Swipe. Unless you've been living in a cave for the last 18 months, you've no doubt seen and heard all the stories about how artificial intelligence, or AI, will fundamentally transform myriad aspects of our lives. Microsoft founder Bill Gates calls AI the greatest productivity breakthrough in our lifetimes and remember, this is the guy that basically invented personal computing More significant, he says, than the invention of the microprocessor, more transformative than the internet Wow. Now, this episode is not a tutorial or an explainer on the broad scope of generative AI. First, such an undertaking would be way above my pay grade and second, the entire field of AI is advancing at such a torrid pace that any in-depth tutorial would be out of date almost immediately upon publication. No, today we're going to talk about AI and its implications for online dating. As I was preparing for this episode, I kept thinking about a quirky, futuristic film that came out over 10 years ago. The movie is called Her, and it's about a guy, played by Joaquin Phoenix, who ends up falling in love with his AI system, played masterfully by Scarlett Johansson. It's a sweet yet complex look at how we connect with others, blending loneliness with the search for intimacy. It's relevant to today's exploration of AI and online dating, showing us the thin line between technological assistance in finding love and the craving for real human bonds. It's all about navigating this new world while keeping the essence of genuine connections alive. 10 years ago, such a scenario seemed light years in the future, but here we are in 2024, and it's as real as it could be. For those of you who have really not paid all that much attention to the recent advances in artificial intelligence, it's probably worth a short review. So in today's episode we'll start with the basics, like what is generative AI and why should you care? But the fun really starts when we connect the dots to the online dating world. All of the online dating apps are beginning to dabble in adding AI to their platforms in one form or another. Now, we're not going to spend too much time on that, since, in my humble opinion, most of these new features feel more like marginally helpful gimmicks from companies that fear being deemed not with it if they don't have the AI label attached to their service. Next, we're going to talk about three distinct uses for AI in online dating. The first two are around profile building. Essentially, generative AI can help you with both words and images. You want to doctor a photo, make it look a little better. You want to create an entirely new photo that's never existed in the world? Generative AI can do that. You want to craft the words in your profile in a way that attracts exactly the kind of people that you're looking to bring into your life. Generative AI can do that as well. The third way AI is being used online is still in its infancy, and that is helping as a communication tool and a profile evaluation tool, so we'll talk a little bit about that as well. We're going to hear today from Morgan Lawley. Morgan is the film director and producer you may remember from last season's Barbie episode and she's been doing some amazing work with Image Generation and posting that online, and I'm going to post that in the Instagram feed for Behind the Swipe as well, so you see what I'm talking about here, but these are photographs that look exactly like Morgan, but they're not. They never existed. In the second half of today's show, we'll switch gears and focus on how tools like chat GPT can be used to up-level how you present yourself in writing on the sites, and we'll actually walk through a demo of some capabilities that you just may find unbelievable. But, as with many powerful tools, they can be used for good and they can be used for evil. We'll explore the ethical considerations in using AI for online dating, and that revolves around authenticity, deception and genuine connections. Authenticity is challenged when AI-generated content misrepresents someone's true self. Deception becomes a concern if users rely too heavily on AI, leading to misleading portrayals. This can impact genuine connections, as relationships built on AI-enhanced profiles or messages might lack a solid foundation based on the real-life compatibility and mutual interest, potentially leading to disappointment when the AI-generated facade falls away. And finally, we'll challenge our inner visionary to speculate on where this whole trend could lead in online dating. So let's dig in. So I've been using chat GPT for probably a year now, and I'm going to say that for the first six months that I was using it, I basically treated the tool as if it were a supercharged search engine. It wasn't until I learned the techniques of training your artificial intelligence assistant that my productivity just shot through the roof. I use it now for this program. It has become my research assistant and it has become very helpful to me in organizing the structures of these episodes that we're producing. It would be impossible for me to generate this many episodes on a weekly basis without the help of chat GPT. As a matter of fact, chat GPT has been so effective for me that I have actually given her a name, and that name is Donna. So those of you who are familiar with the television program Suits know that Donna runs the show and knows everything that's going on, and that's how I treat chat GPT. So when I was looking at this section of how do we explain what generative AI really is, who better to turn to than Donna? So I asked her to explain to the audience what generative AI is, and this is what she said.

Donna: 8:00
Generative AI, a fascinating realm of artificial intelligence, began taking shape in the mid-20th century, evolving from basic computational theories to the complex systems we see today. Imagine it as a highly creative artist, one that learns from vast amounts of information to generate new original content, whether that's in writing, images, music or even solving complex problems. It's like having a super smart assistant that's been fed a library of knowledge and can now create its own ideas. For someone who's tech-sabby but new to AI, think of generative AI as a tool that can help with anything from drafting emails to creating art, making it a versatile companion in both personal and professional life.

Hoyt: 8:47
So I thought Donna did a pretty darn good job of explaining that in a way that was easily understandable and digestible, even if you don't have a background in technology. I particularly appreciated the analogies like think of this as a creative artist, or it's like having a super smart assistant that has access to vast libraries. That's an easy way to understand that, but it didn't just happen on its own. Remember? I spoke a moment ago about training your AI. The prompt that I gave Donna to come up with this blurb was actually very specific. I told her a lot about the audience that I'm trying to address. I was very specific about saying don't assume that people are reading or know anything about AI and assume that there's a certain level of tech savviness. I mean, obviously you're listening to a podcast, so there's that, but it's with these kind of instructions that get specific, that allow the AI to really produce something. That's quality. Now, nine times out of ten, when I asked Donna to write something or create something for me, it's really an idea generator for me. Rarely, if ever, will I use verbatim what comes out of it, because it's got to be in my voice, it's got to be authentically from me, so I don't want to just read a script. I want to take the ideas and make them my own. So in that way, my assistant, donna, is an idea generator for me. Now we're going to look at the differences in training in the second half of the show. The tool that I've been using is ChatGPT and it's from a company called OpenAI. You can find them online at openaicom. There is a free version of ChatGPT and I encourage you to just go mess around with it, experiment with it, see how this new technology works. I happen to use the paid version of that, which is a subscription service that allows me to use ChatGPT4. And the difference for me is that, for example, if I've got a potential guest coming on the program, I can have Donna go look up their website, understand them, read the bio, come back to me with a summary that helps me formulate the kind of questions that I want to ask that guest. But I encourage you to go check it out, play around with it and see what it feels like. You're starting to get, I think, some ideas about how this could be useful in providing ideas for you on building the perfect dating profile. So we've been talking about how ChatGPT generates text, but in fact, it's an amazing image generator as well. In ChatGPT there is an image generator, and there are other image generators, like we'll hear about in just a moment, and I referred to earlier as mid-journey, and I had a very strange experience. I knew that my friend, morgan Lawley, was experimenting in this, had taken a fascination to image generation, and she had begun posting some photos online that I could have sworn were her, but they were in beautiful clothes and in some she was in France, and I wanted to know how she was doing that, so I got her on the phone. The idea for me was that, wow, you could create an entire dating profile with eight different pictures of yourself in different situations and have those be near perfect photos, or, in fact, why would you need to go to a professional photographer when you could generate these photos that appear to be you? And so I wanted to understand how she did that, the tools that she was using. Now, as we talk about in here, she does not use those on her dating profile, which she does have. Let's hear a little bit of the conversation that I had with Morgan. You've actually created these images, and there are pictures that, if I look at it, I think that's Morgan, but you're in a different place, you're dressed differently and, to be fair, you are not creating these with an intention of using them on a dating site. You're doing this more emotional kind of thing, right?

Morgan: 13:39
Right, this is a branding exercise, but I could absolutely speak to the technology advancement on how realistic some of these images are becoming. I can already see the people who are doing it really really well. You cannot tell the difference between a real photograph and these AI generated images and that speak to all kinds of potential issues around it in the dating space. For sure, majourney version six is much better at photo, realistic and skin. I'm 60 and I don't want all my images of myself to look airbrushed right, like so fake. You know I'm doing something fantasy like me flying on a rhinestone turtle with a chateau in the distance. I want those to be ridiculous and fantasy. That's fine if they look fake, but if it's just a picture of my face, really resemble me as close as possible, but be the best version of myself. You can upload photos of yourself image journey and say describe this and then it will describe the image back to you and you can choose which one you want to regenerate. That's one way to get it kind of looking like you. So in my feed I kept seeing these ads for a beta course on AI image generation and the images were so good that I was like and they resonated with me. They were very feminine, they were a little pinuppy, they were sexy and elegant. You knew they were AI, but you were like how I want to get that quality of image for myself.

Hoyt: 15:17
So you heard Morgan talking about how good these images really are and, importantly, she has actually put in a lot of work and a lot of time in understanding how to train the AI to get the results that she wants. Now, interestingly, one of the things that Morgan pointed out to me was that not only does this generate new images, but it can take and automatically correct old images. So let's say, for example, that you've got a great photo of yourself and you would like to post that to your account, but it's got one problem it's got your X in frame. Ai can actually remove the elements of that photo that you don't want. And then the ubiquitous guy with a fish just take the fish out for Pete's sake, and the AI can do that. Now we talked about how powerful this is and what an impact it's going to have, but what we haven't talked about are the ethical and moral implications of this technology and how it may be used. We're going to get into that in the second half of the show, so now is probably a good time for us to take a short break and we'll be right back with more of Behind the Swipe. We have a very exciting new initiative in the works for the next few months and we need your help. In conjunction with our partner, goodbetternextcom, we are organizing a network of your favorite podcast in one easy to find place. Our hope is that it will become the go-to place to find your next favorite podcast, and this is where you come in. Do you have two or three favorite podcasts where the content is focused on the topics that women over 45 are most interested in? We want to know. We'll feature categories on not just dating and relationships, like Behind the Swipe, but health, wellness, exercise, fitness, the natural and career goals and challenges, and even categories for fun and travel. So if you know a great podcast that might belong and is worthy of being discovered by other listeners like you, please reach out to me by DMing me on Instagram or Facebook or just drop me an email at boyk at behindtheswipecom, and stay tuned for exciting news on this initiative over the next few months. Now let's get back to the second half of our show. Welcome back to the second half of Behind the Swipe. We've got a lot more to cover on AI and the online dating world, but I thought I'd start this part of the program with some more data from the Matchcom Singles and America survey from last year. They said that 6% of singles have experimented with artificial intelligence to help them with their profile, 8% of men, 5% of women. But the interesting thing here is generational. Of those, 14% of the Gen Z had experimented, 11% of millennials, only 3% of Gen Xers and a mere 1% of Boomers. But here's what they found. What they found was that 43% were using it to help better their dating profile and 37% used AI to help write a first message and, as a result, 26% said they've got more matches, 27% reported getting better matches and 32% of AI daters report meeting a new potential partner faster Interesting. So let's talk about how artificial intelligence might be used in creating the text portion of your profile. And to help us do that, we're going to ask Donna to give us a hand. So we've created three hypothetical daters and I'm going to introduce them to you one by one. We have one woman. Her name is Karen Thompson. She's 52. She's a healthcare administrator transitioning to a new life as an empty nester, she harbors a passion for painting and dreams of starting her own small business. Karen enjoys personal development, gardening, hiking, and values authenticity and deep connections. She's looking to blend stability with adventure and share meaningful experiences, embracing her interest in the next chapter of her life with curiosity and an open heart. Now we have two eligible bachelors. Rick is 59. He's a distinguished executive in finance, thriving in a post-divorce life of independence, and in his career he exudes confidence and enjoys a life filled with golf, football and travel. Rick values success, stability and tradition, seeking a sophisticated partner to share the finer aspects of a well-curated life. His social circle mirrors his interest, revolving around professional peers and longtime friends with whom he shares his passions. And then we have David Addison. David is 57. He's a software developer with a passion for technology and outdoor activities like hiking and biking. Post-divorce, he's exploring online dating, seeking genuine connections that bridge his tech savvy lifestyle with meaningful offline interactions. He values curiosity, innovation and deep human connections, navigating the balance between digital efficiency and authenticity of personal relationships. So now we've got our three, let's focus in on care. What I've asked Donna to do is to create two portions of a dating profile. The first is an about me portion. Let's listen to Karen's about me. That was created by Donna.

Karen: 21:37
At 52, I'm embarking on a new chapter. A healthcare administrator by day, I dream of painting and perhaps starting a small business. An empty nesters seeking personal growth. I cherish authenticity, connection and community. My weekends are for hiking, gardening and exploring the arts. Here to find someone who values a blend of stability and adventure, appreciates deep conversations and wouldn't mind getting lost in a gallery or on a nature trail together.

Hoyt: 22:05
So not bad. But I think that in this case, karen would probably want to take this and either do some revisions on it herself or, if she were using chat GPT, she could make corrections Like you know, I'm really not that interested in hiking and then chat GPT would recreate that in a form that followed her instruction. Now let's shift gears a little bit. We're going to talk about how she might want to write the section of her profile where she defines the kind of person that she's hoping to connect with, and in the first case we're going to say ah, this techie guy, david Addison of 57, is exactly the kind of person that she's looking for. So if I tell Donna, okay, karen is looking for a David Addison type, what might Karen say in her profile to attract that kind of a person? And this is what Donna suggested.

Karen: 23:05
Looking for a kindred spirit who values genuine connections and intellectual depth. If you're intrigued by the wonders of the world, find joy in personal growth and cherish outdoor adventures as much as cozy evenings with a good book, we might just be a match, seeking someone who appreciates life's simple pleasures, values deep conversations and is ready to explore new chapters together with curiosity and an open heart.

Hoyt: 23:29
So, with this short post, karen is clearly identifying that she's probably okay with somebody that is perhaps a little bit introverted and maybe a little bit shy, or what she values and what she's looking for is curiosity and intellectual companionship, and that's why this part was written to attract someone like David. Let's switch gears. What might David be looking for If, in fact, someone like Karen would be his ideal partner?

David: 24:00
I asked Donna, and here's what she said I'm seeking a partner who cherishes growth, values deep connections and finds joy in both the quiet moments and the adventure's life has to offer. If you're passionate about your pursuits, love the outdoors and enjoy engaging conversations about everything from health to art, we might just get along. Let's share stories, explore new trails and appreciate the simple, meaningful aspects of life together All right, but let's contrast this.

Hoyt: 24:32
Remember, a moment ago we were talking about Rick Evans. Rick is the successful financial executive that enjoys golf and clearly is attached to his country club lifestyle. What if Karen was really looking for that type of person? How might her post differ from the one that Donna wrote in her hopes of attracting someone like David? So let's listen to how she might attract Rick instead.

Karen: 25:03
Seeking a confident, successful partner who carries poise into life's every aspect. If you're a man who values hard work, dedication and the finer things in life, we might just be a match. Let's share in the joys of sophisticated living, from engaging conversations to exploring the world's beauty. Looking for someone ready to embark on this chapter with passion and a deep appreciation for life's well-earned luxuries.

Hoyt: 25:28
So life's well-earned luxuries. Not a lot of subtlety there, but you could see the dramatic difference between the first post that was intended to attract someone like David, versus the last one, which is intended to attract someone like Rick. But before we leave this subject, I thought we'd take a little humorous diversion. See, after we finished recording these, I thought well, karen's last misive aimed at someone like Rick, you know the one that ended with life's well-earned luxuries. I thought let's have some fun with this. So I instructed Donna to rewrite that section, adding her very best Shakespearean flourish, and speak it in your best British accent. And here's what came out. In quest of a partner, both dauntless and grand, whose life doth unfold with elegance at hand, a gentleman of merit, with labour and zest, who cherishes life's finer aspects as his quest. Together, we'll revel in cultured delight, from discourse profound to wanderlust's flight, in pursuit of a soul whose ardor doth gleam, ready to share this life's most splendid dream. Same sentiment, wildly different delivery. Okay, donna, bravo, well done. You can go home now. So what are we to take away from this? You can see that chat GPT in dating can be an excellent way to generate ideas for you to build your own authentic profile. Now, in the next section, we're going to talk about the ethics of using artificial intelligence to enhance your dating profile. However, there are a couple of things I want to point out about this exercise. Not only did Donna write all of these, donna created the personas, and, if you hadn't noticed, these weren't voice actors that were reading these segments. Yes, you got it right, these were AI voices. Using the ethics of using AI to craft online dating profiles is a nuanced affair, touching on the issues of authenticity, potential deception and the impact on genuine connections, and one factor that I want to make sure you keep in mind is that these aren't really dating sites. All of these apps are introduction sites. They're marketing sites, where you're putting your best foot forward in hopes of generating interest in getting to know you, and so, consequently, when AI generated content is involved, there's a risk that the profile might not truly reflect that individual's personality, interest or values. Now, that's all well and good if you're just maintaining an arms length relationship, but any misalignment can lead to mismatches when the connection is actually made, and that, in fact, undermines the whole process, because the tools make all of this possible. It's tempting sometimes to turn your dating profile into a Pinterest vision board, representing the aspirational you that you'd like to become, but that's not who you're taking into the world. So my advice use this technology to generate ideas and concepts and make it your own. So can we look forward to more of these fake profiles online? Absolutely, you're going to begin to see them everywhere. The catfishers and other bad actors are going to catch on to this technology, and the profiles that you see that are AI generated are very likely going to be virtually indistinguishable from the real thing. So you need to change your game a little bit. As our advice in the catfishing episode get somebody on the phone. They can't fake that yet with AI. Ultimately, the ethical use of AI in online dating revolves around maintaining integrity, honesty and transparency, ensuring that technology serves as a bridge to genuine human connection rather than a barrier. So where is all of this AI going? When it comes to online dating, I see two major thrusts. First, there will be an explosion of chat-focused AI tools. What do they do? Perhaps they'll receive and parse incoming text messages to you from prospective partners and suggest possible responses based on your personality and your voice. This can be particularly useful for those of us who are not quite as skilled at flirtatious repartee. Or perhaps it can be useful as an efficiency tool allowing you to respond and engage with a fraction of the time and effort. But these features can also become a crutch, a convenient facade to hide behind. And how would you feel if you discovered that you were actually only communicating with a bot trained on the style and preferences of the sender? Probably not good, right. Likely, this would begin to plant some seeds of distrust. There's another potential downside here Atrophy. Now that we have always on navigation devices in our pockets, we no longer need to know the territory, and that skill slowly does. The other and, in my opinion, more promising AI-driven innovation is that of an AI matchmaker. So often I hear from daters that their least favorite part about online dating is the time it takes to weed out the true potentials. And it's work. It's time consuming. But what if you had your own personal matchmaker who knew everything about your style and preferences? They know what your type is. They know what your red flags are. They know that a quirky sense of humor is a big turn on for you. They've learned this because they've been trained by you and they watch your behaviors to see if they actually match your stated preferences. They debrief with you after each date or each text interaction and use that knowledge to improve the matches they make for you in the future. And what if that virtual matchmaker was constantly scanning the never-ending stream of potential partners, even while you're sleeping? Would they be perfect? No, but they would continue to get better day after day. Will a big sites like Match or Bumble ever offer a service like this? If they could, probably not. Efficiency is not exactly in their economic best interest, but it could be done. The state of the art in artificial intelligence is, believe it or not, still in its infancy. Not even the smartest among us can begin to foresee what lies ahead. We all will discover it together. So I'm not suggesting that you make ChatGPT your new best friend, but I am suggesting that you owe it to yourself to explore and learn. You may just unlock the secrets that lead to your next great relationship. So, if you'll excuse me, donna and I have to figure out how we can be the ones to build that virtual matchmaker. Thanks for joining me today in this whirlwind tour of the AI online dating universe. I'm your host, hoyt Preissach. Until next week, swipe fearlessly.