Episode 21 - Untangling Your Attachment Style

Untangling Your Attachment Style

Ever wondered why sparks fly with some while with others it's a fizzling dud? With therapist Michelle Morris's expertise, we embark on a captivating exploration of attachment styles in relationships, discovering the profound ways our earliest bonds influence our pursuit of love and connection. Together, we tackle the transition from childhood patterns to adult relationships, offering a roadmap to navigate the intricate maze of human bonds.

As we journey deeper, Michelle and I uncover the transformative power of Imago relationship therapy—how it illuminates the emotional blueprints that cause power struggles and the significance of healing childhood wounds within our adult partnerships. Our candid conversation touches on personal stories, including my own experiences with Imago therapy and how it impacted my decision to stay in Atlanta, as well as Michelle's insights from reentering the dating scene post-divorce. We highlight the necessity of effective communication and mutual understanding in cultivating the rich connections we all seek.

Wrapping up, we look beyond love, examining how attachment styles influence professional and everyday interactions. We offer strategies for those with anxious and avoidant tendencies, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and self-reliance for emotional fulfillment. Resources like the Attachment Project's quiz and the book "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller are mentioned for anyone keen on further exploration. Join us for a conversation that promises to enrich your understanding of relationships and empower you in your pursuit of deeper, more empathetic connections.

This week’s Guest Co-Host

Michelle Morris

Therapist

Website: MichelleMorrislpc.com

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Imago Relationship Therapist with over 30 years of experience. I have a B.S. in Psychology from Penn State University and a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Argosy University. With a deep commitment to nurturing emotional well-being, I specialize in guiding couples towards a deeper connection, unraveling the complexities of relationships with expertise honed over three decades.

The therapeutic journey extends to addressing individual challenges such as depression, anxiety, trauma, and ADHD for ages 14 and up, fostering resilience and empowering my clients to navigate life’s intricate tapestry.

My professional experience up and down the east coast has given me opportunities to work with many experts in the field ultimately deepening my clinical abilities to serve my clients in the most productive ways.

I have been fortunate to be able to assist Harville and Helen Hendrix, creators of Imago Relationship Therapy, with several couples workshops seeing first hand the power of Imago Therapy to heal and deepen relationships that have been stuck in a pattern of disconnect.

Transcript:

Hoyt - 00:03
This is Behind the Swipe, the podcast that takes you inside the lives of real men and women over 40 who have taken the plunge into the often murky and sometimes exhilarating world of online dating. Each week, we explore new topics through the experiences and expectations of real online daters just like you. I'm your host, hoyt Prisock. Join me as we peel back the one-dimensional dating profiles to discover the real men and women behind the swipe. Welcome to this week's episode of Behind the Swipe. My guest co-host this week is Christine Baumgartner. You may remember Christine from episode 16 last season, when we explored the topic of reverse engineering online dating. This week, we are talking about what's on everyone's mind,  Sex.
00:58
I normally introduce episodes with a brief discussion of what you'll hear, but the conversation with Christine was over an hour long and so packed with great insights, advice and anecdotes that well it speaks for itself. This is one of my very favorite conversations and I know you'll enjoy it. So let's dispense with the formalities and jump into the sheets with Christine Baumgartner. Christine is a dating coach and life coach in Southern California. She's all over Instagram and YouTube and on the web at the perfect catch com. Christine, thanks again for joining us back here Again. We had a great episode in the first season of Behind the Swipe, and you know I've been waiting for this one for a long time. Today we're going to talk about sex, and it's something that I know that you've counseled people on over and over again, because it brings so much anxiety to people often when they come out of a marriage or a long-term relationship and then they're back in this dating world again and they begin to rediscover some of those sexual energies that they thought maybe were maybe even dead and buried for a while, right.
Christine - 02:19
So, especially if their relationship wasn't happy, oh yes, so let's talk about that.
Hoyt - 02:25
Let's talk about the men and women that you're coaching and where they are when they start to think, okay, maybe I do want to get out there and meet somebody.
Christine - 02:38
So whether they're divorced or they ended a long-term relationship or widowed, they miss the physical intimacy, they miss the physical companionship, they miss having somebody hold them, both men and women. I have over half. This is the first time ever I actually have more men than women as clients. It's been pretty even for a long time. Men miss it, as I want women to hear this loud and clear and you can nod to this Men miss that holding and feeling protective of a woman and holding and feeling close and that you both can just be so vulnerable with each other, with or without sex. Just the closeness is a human need, something that keeps us upright. It's very important.
03:30
So I think once people have gotten over the mad of either they were mad at the person they divorced or mad that the person divorced them, or both, or you've lost a love from death. Once you've got done some healing which I talk a lot about that in my practice to get you ready to date, and often the little urges will start even before that and you will know I'm really missing being with somebody in a more intimate way where we can really share personal information and soft information, all of my feelings, with them, so that now I feel like I want to share my body with them, and it's with such trepidation most of the time they approach this like I think I'm ready, I think I want it, but I don't know. And where do I start? And, oh, I have so many questions and so many fears. That's often the conversation that they, sometimes in whispers, will have it first. Do you find?
Hoyt - 04:34
Christine that men have similar anxieties, or is it more that women have the anxieties around that?
Christine - 04:42
That's a really good question. They both have the same amount. I've never had a man or a woman have a different amount, a different quantity. Often women's biggest concern, which I want to say, is safety, and they will say it, but it's their body image. If I ask 98% of the women in the world, tell me what's wrong with your body, in 10 minutes they can tell me 27 things. And if I said, tell me the things that are right, they might come up with one or two, and then there's lots of qualifications even around that. So their big concern is is he going to like how I look naked? I want to be attractive to him. They don't always realize, but we find out that their head is going to be in such disarray, they're going to be beyond distracted and we cannot have a full physical experience. If we're worried, there's a whole disconnect.
Hoyt - 05:45
So how do you counsel people around getting past that then?
Christine - 05:50
I have a thing that I give to women to do. So the first thing I tell them which they're not going to believe, the first time I tell them but they eventually do is if a man is continuing to a good guy. I only have to talk about good guys. There's scammers and terrible people and it would be a very different conversation. We're just going to talk about well intentioned, interested in having a relationship guy. If he continues to see you, he likes how you look and I don't care how much push up, shovel over, spank stuff, he has an idea. He knows what you're going to look like and he still thinks that's pretty terrific. And then the thing about men is when we're nude with you and you like us, you just see beautiful naked women in my bed all night and it's true, right, absolutely, that's absolutely true, it's true Boobs.
06:48
But oh my God, she's in my bed, I get to touch her, I get to please her, I get to make her make noises. I mean, you are so involved, from the tip of our hair to the tip of our toes. And what happens for women who don't believe that and believe all this thing about their bodies is and they will often say out loud but there's a second, this goes out and this goes in and the guy's like you don't even see it, you don't care, you could care less. It's like is there less than zero you could care about that? It's the biggest thing men complain about to me of. Stop telling me I'm wrong.
07:31
So what I tell women is don't you want to trust this guy? Isn't that really important If you're going to get naked with them? You want to trust him and him being trusted by you is a high priority to him, so important to him. So I'm going to tell you what happens when he says wow, you're hot and you go. Well, no, you've now called him a liar. You've said he's lying. I know you don't. You don't mean that right now. I don't mean that. You've said that. That's what he's heard. So let's not tell him he's a liar because he really believes this 100%. So we'd like you to believe this too. So I have a woman I love teaching us. Please do this, all the women that are listening to this pick a place on your body that you really like your eyes, your smile, your note could be your elbow, could be a little toe, I don't care what it could be this tiny little, when you have to really like it. And then every time you brush your teeth which is hopefully at least two, maybe three I work out of my house, so mine's three and you're looking in the mirror before after you brush your teeth I need you to spend at least 15 seconds going. Wow, you know people say lots of really nice things about my eyes. They're really beautiful, you know. They're the window to my soul and I like how they look, especially when I tend, especially when I have a little makeup on, because your brain has no filtering, so it's been listening to this hamster wheel going, pokes out, pokes in sags, bags. So we're going to start another tape going. Just this one thing. You will be amazed.
09:04
I have women do this after a week, especially after two, but even after a week they come to me and they go. People have asked if I've lost weight. They ask me if I changed my form, and this is all they've done. I said because your brain's like, oh, you're pretty. What do you have? Pretty eyes.
09:23
So then we go to the next thing, find the next thing on your body. Because we start balancing all that disapproval so that then, when it's the right man going you're hot we go yeah, I am, and you're just starin' lucky to have me in your bed and we take back our power. Because when we are in our power as women, we are sexy and sensual and adventuresome and fun and have even better orgasms. So I hang this out as a carrot for women If you wanna have better sexual experiences with the person that you care about, start out saying something compliment to yourself three times a day when you brush your teeth. It will turn things around. There's a lot of other things I teach, but this has been, across the board, 100% successful. Isn't that amazing?
Hoyt - 10:13
So that's really great advice, christine, and I can understand how reframing your experience around, looking at the things that are positives rather than the gap between where you perceive that you are and what the ideal is, because, as you said, the guy that's gonna get naked with them is not thinkin' about that man, that oxytocin is kickin' in and I am the most beautiful woman in the world with me right now.
Christine - 10:42
Yes, yes. And the thing too is, men tell me all the time they like putting their hand on our little pooch, they like rabbinar hips, they like all the curves, they like them so much and that if we women would just own it, we could feel like this double empowering, because we're feeling it and then we're seeing it in their eyes and receiving it. So the other thing is you need to say when you're a woman, when a man says gosh, you're so hot, even if you don't believe it yet it's okay, because you're not. Even when you're saying the I thing, you're not gonna believe it. You don't have to just keep saying it, say thank you, thank you, because what happens is he gets rewarded oh, she liked what I said, I'm gonna do that again. And there's a little part of you goes. Oh, I think I received a little Cause. When you say thank you, there's a little pocket that it goes in receiving. So we women are our worst enemies in this way as far as our bodies are concerned.
11:39
The other thing is I need to lose 10 pounds. Well, the fastest way to lose 10 pounds is to start saying your body's beautiful. It works every time, everyone, when you start thinking I am so good right now maybe I'll make it a legit, but right now I'm great. It's like we hold onto our pounds when we're mad, when we're feeling protective, when we're feeling sad. It's kind of a DNA survival thing. You know, when people are madly in love, they lose weight. When they're doing something they're passionate about, they lose weight it's because you're happy and you're letting things just flow and you're not holding them on. And so I tell people, the happier you get with your body, the more happier your body's gonna be and it will start doing all the things that you think are gonna make you look better.
Hoyt - 12:26
Yes, yes, well, that's great advice. So let's switch gears. To talk about a man's experience coming out of the doors, and I'll give you a little bit of background.
12:36
I had been married for 27 years and while, yes, there was a sexual component to the relationship we slept in different rooms the intimacy was infrequent and in some ways kind of perfunctory, you know, and so it was not, I think, satisfying for either one of us. So after divorce I was not convinced of my own attractiveness, my own virility. I didn't know that that was still in existence, and I had, like many people do, fallen into a rebound relationship which was never going to last. But what I got out of that was a whole bunch of validation that yes, I am, yes I can and yes, I want to. Good, well, good. And I think every relationship that I had subsequent to that everyone involved benefited from me breaking that cycle early on. Do you find this in the men that you work with?
Christine - 13:40
So, many men, especially divorced men, have had a lot of negative feedback about what they did or didn't do or could have done.
13:49
What we women are very good at is telling you all the things you did wrong and not very often telling you the things that you do right. So you've only heard all the things you weren't good at or were neglectful about or weren't. You should have just known. We women think you can read our minds about everything. We really think that you know exactly how we're feeling every minute and you know what to do about it. All of that is completely false and I keep trying to convince women about that because it's very false. So, depending on how many women you've been with before you're now single, you've gotten a variety of feedback, verbally and non-verbally, about how good or not or what. And the other thing that's difficult is because I'm a woman. I can say this we all like very different things and what I liked yesterday I might not want today and I want something dear today. And if I don't tell you you are shooting in the dark, you are clueless. I don't care, you could be the best Don Juan person and you still might miss some of the cues. So most people are not a Don Juan person, so you're gonna miss every cue. And so what's frustrating in the world is you've had negative experience of non-communication or negative communication or maybe somebody who didn't know their body really well. Because how can I tell you what I would need and want today or tomorrow or next week if I don't know, if I haven't gotten familiar with my body? And most women are very reserved, very shy, very not comfortable talking about it or touching themselves or finding out what places are best for them. So how in the world are you gonna know? And they think that you're just gonna figure it out without them even knowing. So this is when I talk about talking about it, so first learning how to talk about it with yourself and getting comfortable with yourself, and then how do you talk to the other person about it? So it's scary and it's a very brave move to say this is where I come from, this is what it was like for me and how was it for you, and are you open to having a conversation? Are you open to just having a conversation about it and then maybe doing something about it? And that's another thing we're gonna talk about is the pacing, and when do you have these kinds of conversations and how do you have them?
16:16
But the best way I know to have a satisfying sexual relationship no matter if it's friends with benefits, something casual companion or something that's forever is to figure out what you like and talk to somebody else about it. It's hard. It's hard if you've only had somebody yell at you or be dismissive or negative or critical. It's very and then truly have. You wanna be good at stuff. You wanna be good at fixing our sink, you wanna be good at driving the car, you wanna be good at making love to us, and it's really important to you that we give you feedback if we need something differently. And then, yeah, you did a good job, thank you, because you will just back up. You'll back up if you feel like you're not doing a good job. We women back up physically when we're mad or hurt. You'll back up when you think, well, I can never do a good job for her. I can never please her. You take it very personally. We are all very scolding about why we back up and you're very gosh, I'm never gonna make her happy.
Hoyt - 17:20
Yeah, so I'm gonna climb into the cave. I'm gonna climb into the cave, right, and there's very little chance for growth when you're living in a cave. So let's break this down into the two parts that you talked about. One is you talked about getting to understand how you want to be in a sexual relationship, and then you talk about communicating that effectively. Well, let's go back to that first part, because, again for I'm guessing, for men and women oftentimes you no longer really know what turns you on right. You don't really know it's been a long time for some people a long time.
17:59
So how do you reach them on beginning to discover that for themselves?
Christine - 18:04
I tell them this is gonna be homework. I give people homework. I want you to touch yourself, even just stroke, like when you're in the shower. Most people just rush through the shower. Pay attention as you're washing, pay attention as you're rinsing. Pay attention as you're washing your hair. What do you like? Do you like soft, do you like firm? Do you like a longer time or a shorter time? One of the things that's fun is to take the five languages quiz. It takes like 10 minutes on the internet. It's free because it's what are you familiar with that?
Hoyt - 18:42
Love languages?
Christine - 18:44
Oh yes, so to find it, because one of the five is physical touch and it's not just sex, it's how much do you like being touched in 24 hours? And so take that test because it'll give you a clue, and then do this thing in the shower to see where do you stand in what parts of your body feel best being touched, what parts of your body don't. Cause there's parts where people don't like a part of their body touched. It's ticklish, it's sensitive. Be clear about that. And then like if you put lotion on when you put your clothes on, because the more conscious you are of being in touch in this part, in touch with your body as well as this touch, the more you're gonna be in your body, Because you have not been in your body for a while.
19:33
If you were having even holding hands or a little kiss while you're cooking dinner, that's when people are mad. They draw apart for these two reasons we just said. So there is no intimacy touching, no intimacy sharing and talking, and much less no sex. So to get back in touch with your body on your own schedule a massage schedule, something or somebody else's and seeing, do you like that? Can you feel comfortable with somebody else touching you, Even a neck massage or a head massage or a full body massage if you like it To see, can you get back into your body?
20:09
Because some people are very disconnected for really good reasons. People that have been abused really have to go through this. So once you've done that, if you are exploring, you've been out a few times with somebody and you think, gosh, I'd like to kiss them or hug them or cuddle with them or get frisky to talk about. Gosh, I really like holding hands. I love holding hands. It feels really connected to me. I get to feel the energy of the person. What do you think about holding hands, even if you haven't touched them? Find out how they feel, because you're probably gonna be sitting across the table from somebody. You've now gone through this exercise in your forehead but they're not and they might go. I don't know. I'm really kind of disconnected. So I'm gonna stop and talk about me personally in that, as a dating coach, it's interesting dating because I'm a widow. In dating I need to have people that hopefully have done some personal growth. You know they've had therapy in grade classes. They at least have to be open to it. They at least have to. If I ask them that question, they go gosh, you know, I never thought of that. That's a really interesting question. They can't be yeah, no, no, no, no, that's not of interest to me. I'm not saying they're a bad person, they just wouldn't be for me. So when you're being open about who you are and what's important to you, see, are they a match? Are they somebody that would match the amount of physical attention you want? And it's all over the scale.
21:38
Some people have physical touches. They're very last thing. It doesn't mean they don't like being touched, they just don't need as much throughout a day. But if you're with somebody that really needs a lot, then how do you work that out? That? Can you do some for them, even if you don't really need it back? So it's not mutually exclusive, it can blend. But if you don't talk about it, then both people are gonna feel kind of put out and put upon.
22:04
So I suggest this for men too, who are not always as in touch with their bodies. But what I tell them to is sure, do the shower thing. But also men like doing physical things. Pay attention to your body. When you're doing the physical thing, when you're fixing your car, when you're mowing the lawn, when you're playing a sport, think about your body, think about where does it feel strong? Where does it feel vital? Where do you feel like you're on your game? What things do you think you need to work on? And it's up here some, but I want you to really have it right here. Men, don't do that right here and they go.
Hoyt - 22:42
Not naturally, we don't.
Christine - 22:43
But I give them this homework and they go. Okay, men are so willing, they're so willing to try something and I will tell you, almost all come back going. I really learned. I learned I had no idea how I really have powerful legs and well, I'm really quick on this way, and it helped me with my golf game. I had a guy tell me that it helped because he got more in his head. Well, I know it was really funny. His screener said what have you been doing? He goes I was talking to an dating coach and all of this feels in me right. But the more you get confident, the more you feel capable, because that is so important to you. One of the secrets it does is it increases your testosterone, and we like that because it makes you feel more masculine, it makes you have better performance in whatever level you can or can't. Because one of the really great things I have learned and I'm gonna say this out loud too, because I have clients that she explained this to me.
23:44
They've been together for a little over two years now. He tried everything for his ED. He tried shots, he tried pumps, he tried pills, nothing, there's just nothing. She is so happy, she is so satisfied. Life is perfectly wonderful for both of them. So there's the biggest, hugest care that a married man can have and he can't get erect or can't stay erect. There's lots of fixes. Some people can't. He can't. He is so satisfied satisfying her and she does lots of other wonderful things for his body. But men I am gonna say this too and you can tell me if I'm full of beans way more than 50%, maybe 75% of your satisfaction is satisfying us.
Hoyt - 24:36
And the inner course is not mandatory.
Christine - 24:38
The inner course is not mandatory If a woman needs penetration. There's lots of toys, you know, you got your fingers, you have all sorts of other ways but that you can touch us with all sorts of parts of your body and make us go weak and lose our minds temporarily, that you can't erect, oh, my God, it's really okay enough, more than okay enough, right.
Hoyt - 25:06
Well, you know, that says to me that I think people don't really understand a sexual relationship in this way. But I believe it's really true, and that is that a sexual relationship is a collaborative creation. It's different with different pairings of people. It's like you're creating your own language in the bedroom, and the only way that you can do that is to be communicative and be in touch with what's going on in your head and what's going on in your heart, right, and what's going on below the belt too, of course.
Christine - 25:43
But yeah, but it's not as satisfying if you haven't connected all those pieces. So I'm gonna tell you a very personal story, and I haven't told this story very much. I was. I got married at 18, got divorced at 32, did puberty in my 30s and 40s. I was a wild woman. I never dated.
26:03
I had not had a very satisfying sexual relationship with my first husband, learned it turned out, I liked it a lot and I was met lots of men that liked it a lot too and I was happy with generally casual relationships. I had a couple long-term ones, but it wasn't my goal to do anything else than that and I was okay with it. So I had a lot of sex, very fun, super satisfying and then when I decided I thought I wanted to, I really did want to get married again and I did some switching in my head and said, well, maybe I need to be more serious, and because I found the way to have sex that way was to keep my heart closed up, because I wasn't going to get my heart away, but now I needed to have my heart available. So I said, yeah, I don't think I can have casual sex anymore. It was really an interesting conversation now with myself. So there were two men before my late husband.
26:53
So then I meet my late husband and I'm not physically attracted. I think I've said this. I wasn't physically attracted to him at all in the beginning, but I liked him as a person and there was nothing off-putting about him physically. I liked how I felt with him, I liked how he treated me, I liked the conversations we had. I looked forward to seeing him every time.
27:11
So it took me a few months until I finally said, yeah, I think so. And then I became very physically attracted to him. So we had had, in my mind, sex for probably six months and then one day we were at his house and we'd spent the Sunday in bed and I said, oh, tony, I really enjoy so much having sex with you. And he pulled back and his eyes got huge and he said what we're doing is making love. And I went oh yeah, oh yeah. And I went seriously, ok, he goes. No, it's really different. And I go well, yeah, I do, it feel really different with you. He goes, it's really different. So I called my sister-in-law, where I am right now. I'm sitting in her office. He's not here right now, but I've told her this story. I said, jerry, do you think it's different? She goes, yeah, is that the best I'm like? Oh my god, here's the person talking about sex all the time. And when I owned that, oh wait, I will never go back.
Hoyt - 28:18
Yeah.
Christine - 28:19
I will never go back I had, because if you haven't had it you don't have the comparison. So making love with somebody is exponentially so much more connecting on all the levels. I mean orgasm, and I had some great ones, but oh my. So I recommend To be really clear about what your goal is. If your goal is just have casual have at it, I will never Me of all people, I'm not gonna say anything bad with it. Just keep your heart safe. And if you really are looking for a forever relationship, then find somebody that's knew it like my husband did and had to convince me that wants to have love making yes wants to move you to a Spiritual higher level where your bodies are joined on so many levels.
29:12
So that's where I think so much of figuring out where you are and talking to the other person, because I've been talking, he never all the men I've been with were like God, do you ask for what you want and you tell me what you like? And oh my god. So I was doing that with him too.
Hoyt - 29:24
But then look at what I got to learn from him Absolutely that I didn't even feel like I didn't know yeah, that is probably a perfect place for us to take a quick break, and when we come back, I want to talk about the decision process around whether you do or don't turn a Early dating relationship into a sexual relationship. I want to have the discussion around how concerns should I be around STD's and Do I need to be paranoid about all that? I mean, what's the protocol for that? And then I also want to talk about women over 50 are likely to be going through some hormonal changes which fundamentally Changed the way that the engine works a lot of times. So I want to talk about how you counsel your clients around Taking care of that, but we'll do that when we come back from this short break.
30:22
If you're enjoying behind the swipe, I have two very specific ass of you, and exactly none of them will cost you a nickel. If you haven't already done so, please subscribe to our weekly newsletter. Here. You'll be the first to know about upcoming episodes and how you can participate, along with the tips and links to the stories and posts about online dating that I've found interesting. To do, so, just go to behind the swipe calm and drop your email into the pop-up form. Secondly, we're committed to sharing this podcast with an even wider audience. This year. You can help by following us on Instagram at behind the swipe podcast. I truly appreciate your support and encouragement. Now let's get back to today's show. We are back and I am here with Christine Baumgartner. Christine is a dating coach and a life coach and you can find her online at the perfect catch calm. Where else Christine can people find you? Because if they're like me, they're saying she's just dropping pearls right and left. I gotta go find out more.
Christine - 31:42
You want more of me. I love that, so the best place to find me is in my website, which is wwwtheperfectcatchcom. I have a questionnaire that you fill out. It's called what's holding you back for love? You can have a complimentary conversation with me. It'll give you access to my calendar. You can make your Equipment at your leisure. You can also sign up for my newsletter. You'll receive the live podcast that I do every week. Also, I'm sitting in my web designer's office, and so at the bottom of my website because I have no idea how to do it are all the symbols for all my social media, so you can sign up for my Facebook and LinkedIn and Pinterest and YouTube and Instagram, and they're all there. All, though. You just click on the little on Twitter, the x thing. Just click on the symbol and you can Find me and friend me and share me with everybody. It's so effortless and easy.
32:36
Well then, my YouTube channel has about a A couple hundred videos with all a bunch of different subjects that you could watch, and then our podcast is also on Apple and Spotify so you can take us Christmas shopping or to the gym, so you can just listen rather than watch, even though we're very and I are so cute to watch.
Hoyt - 32:55
So so tell me the name of your podcast. It's called let's talk dating let's talk dating. And your co-host on that is Barry Selby.
Christine - 33:03
He's called the love doctor.
Hoyt - 33:06
He's doing great work out there too. I love Barry.
Christine - 33:11
He buries a hoop.
Hoyt - 33:12
Yeah, all right, so let's go back to sex. So, yes, early in a row, talk too much about so you're, you've met somebody online, you're kind of interested in them and you start texting and maybe you have a phone call and Maybe you go out on a date or two. You've probably heard this and I've heard this a lot and I get pushed back from women about and talking about the three-day rule. It's kind of a real thing, right, and but that's understood to be. Well, if she's not going to be sleeping with me after three dates, then it's a non-starter. I'll just go on to whoever the next person is. For some people I think there's some truth in that. But my truth with with with that is that I look at that and say, if I don't have an indication of Some kind of synchronicity around interests in a sexual relationship, I will probably know that by the third real date, because even if we're not having sex, you're communicating an interest in that. To me that's that puts a big green checkbox.
Christine - 34:22
So I'm gonna ask you a question, hoid, what is, what are those indicators for you personally? How did you know that your lovely wife was interested?
Hoyt - 34:30
for me. I think it's touch. There was a freedom in touch and an openness in communication. I mean, we were talking about those things and we were talking about STD's and all of that. On our very first date which she calls an interview, by the way, she said we didn't. We didn't really date for another week after that, but we, of course, had seen each other six times between those two. So I guess it was a very multi-tiered interview process, but I was reading that Energy from her, I was reading a sexual interest in me and that was look, I knew that this woman was worth investing in and and sticking around for. So if we didn't have a sexual Relationship for even a month, I'd have still been all in. I had a still that all in Because I knew that it was there. It was there for us, yeah.
Christine - 35:28
My head's. My late husband said the same thing because I made him wait a little longer than that even, and he, because I had made this Switch about, oh, I'm not having casual sex anymore. And he, poor guy, was one of my early guinea pigs. Yeah, he was so patient. He was so patient and I talked to him about it. I told him why. I explained to him and I also Touched him a lot because I'm physical touches very much to my it's like one and a half, it's not even to to say yeah, yeah, it will be, I just can't right now.
35:59
And he believed me and I meant it's the truth. He worried that I don't be us people. I don't, I might not tell you everything, but everything I tell you will be the truth. Yes, so, and I know when I'm not interested because I don't feel as Applied to touch somebody because I am such a touchy person. So for us, women's safety is so important. So we, depending on what our background is and what kind of men we've been with and who raised us, we could have a Higher sensitivity to safety and need to put you through a little bit more hoops about it. If that's the right kind of woman for you, then hopefully you can be patient. Hopefully she's done a lot of personal work and what I know about my late husband and Men I talked to is, as long as you feel encouraged, if you're interested, you're gonna keep asking this out and then if we encourage you, yeah, yeah, I could.
36:56
I like a lot think I'd like you still working on it. Here's a couple more things I need and you're gonna like jump to. Whatever those things are that we need to learn about you Because you want to prove whatever it is that we need you to prove, not just to take us to bed, but if you really like us, you want us to like you back just as much. Yes, so will feel comfortable and yes, so we'll get naked, but your priority is also to have us admire you and think you're cool and not just hot in bed, but that we like you as a person. And I think that was the thing my husband kept hearing and feeling from me, cuz like I liked being with him so much. It was just a delight and effortless and interesting. And how could I not finally eventually give in and get over myself? Because I had to get over me. It was nothing. There was nothing about him. Nothing was 100% me and I appreciate him going on that journey with me because it's made me much more Smooth of moving now because I just hadn't before.
37:58
So the three-day pull. I know a couple couples only a couple personally who met on Friday. Their date lasted to Sunday. They've now been married for 40 plus years but they talked about everything kids, finance, in law. I mean, there was Nothing in between having sex at that point that they didn't talk about more than in those three days, than most people talk about in months.
38:25
The really core things, the really like you did with Katie on your first date. You talked about these things that are essential to you. Tell me what's essential to you and do we mesh or are we close enough or are we how? You would elevate me in this way. That's what happened for these couples, but most people, often women, when we have an orgasm, we get attached Without really thinking about it. It's the attachment that happens when we have a baby. You know the baby's been pushing on your ribs and you had to pee every five minutes and you went through this hard labor and now you're like, oh, I love you. God was thinking when he installed that. Well, that the thing. It's the same chemical that happens when we have an organ. It's like I love you. So then we put on these rose colored glasses and we can't see red flags. So what we need to do Just fast or slow as we can Address.
39:17
When my husband told me on our fifth date that he'd been married twice before I went oh, I have lots of questions about that he answered them all. I had no concerns after. He took 100% responsibility for all that. You know, when you meet the x5, you know the their parts and I like the first one a lot, the second, when nobody likes her. But I didn't get carried away. I kept asking questions and getting comfortable and making sure that he really had the traits I needed and that he liked these traits that I have, because everybody's got their stuff. You know we talked about baggage and I I got mine small, but I still got stuff. So I don't ever set a time limit.
39:52
What I say is, as you found, with your wife, as long as you're still talking, as long as you're still both Interested, as long as you're still into growing with each other, you're learning about each other, even if, for some reason, it turns out that you decide not to have sex or the sex is awful. Look at what you've learned, look at this muscle that you've gained. That if you jump into sex what I found for women in general and widowed men we stop asking questions. We're like, oh, I can't ask that. What if they leave now, because I'm really attached?
40:23
But then you know a year and a half later, when you're totally a mess, this thing pops back up again that you know and I'll ask did you know? Yeah, but I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to. I hope to we get better. So that's the problem often with having sex before you've addressed the really big things. So how lovely that the two of you talked about your feelings about STDs and would you be willing to give a test? Would you show me your test and are you making it have sex with other people? Then we have to have tests in between. I mean, you need to just have to talk about it and not everybody's gonna do that on the first two or three days.
40:59
So it's okay if you don't, but don't have sex until you've had this question, so Pace it. Do you decide how long you need to wait? You decide how many questions you need to get answered and only do it with people that you think have potential, because if the guy keeps asking you out, he wants to have sex with you. Yes, yes, he's already made up his mind. It's like when you guys go shopping generally, you find a shirt and you're like, oh, thank god, I can buy 10 and I never have to do this again. You know what's right. You make up your mind way more quickly than us.
41:35
We women generally not all we go to the store, maybe with a friend, we try and address, we have tests everybody in the store, what they think and we might have to try and form more and we might go to another store in the mall. We might go to another mall. So you know we're still shopping. But if you're so cute and you're so sexy we have all this chemistry we stop shopping, even talking to you, and that's wrong. That's not in our DNA. Our DNA is to keep trying things on until it feels comfortable. So I needed to be asking Tony questions until I felt comfortable about. Yeah, I think I want to do this.
Hoyt - 42:09
Yes, yes, this coordination, christine, makes perfect sense to me, and I found that enlightening for me because when Katie and I sat down for the first time and we were going to have a drink after work and it ended up lasting four hours but I joke that and it's only half joking that we were giving each other all the reasons why you shouldn't really be that interested in me, like all of the reasons why, well, like, like hers was I'm commitment phobic. I said, okay, well, that's great information. And so with within a week, I said, okay, here's the deal, katie, I am going to love you unconditionally for 90 days and then, at the end of those 90 days, if you feel like that's not enough for you, then you have my blessing. We'll walk away and I'll be happy with that. But if you need that safety, I'm making that commitment to you to do that. It did take that time, right, because she was hesitant. She felt like I'm either going to run or they're going to run, right, yeah, and you know, you kind of had to just grasp that.
Christine - 43:22
What I believe your story is so perfect that we bring people into our lives to help. We need to do our own personal work, but there's stuff we can do unless we're with another person. We do our own stuff and then we have to do something with. So we bring people into our lives to help us heal old wounds and you know, there's the bible thing of you come for a reason or a season or a lifetime. So you might have just done that and she would have gone. Yeah, I'm over it, but over you. Then they now could have happened. She went, oh, I really could trust him. Yeah, but it's not him, because that would have been a lucky gift for both of you.
Hoyt - 43:56
Absolutely, absolutely.
Christine - 43:59
And so if you accept that oh boy, they're bringing up my stuff, duh, does this mean they're bad? Does this mean that I'm broken? No, it's a chance that your body must be feeling ready. You've done enough work that this new, this old thing now can come forward and you could go. I'm going to finally get rid of it. I mean to find out about making love. I mean, oh my god, I was 50 years old. I'm glad I found it out then With eye opening, but I needed this person to come and show me that because I never knew that before.
44:32
My other story about him is that he started telling me he loved me right away and I just couldn't do it. Yeah, and I'd say, gosh, it's so nice and thanks so much for saying it, and I really think this is not working. You can't say that anymore. And I go what do you want me to say? He goes, make something up and I said, okay, ishka Bible. Every time you say I love you, I'm going to say Ishka Bible, and you can make it mean anything you want. So he put up with that a little while.
44:56
So he shows up at my house one day. There's sheets of paper. He's read this, so I'm reading and he wrote to a friend of mine who's a relationship coach. We're very close friends, the relationship counselor, she has a PhD in relationship, she has couples, and he's writing to MP and he's like oh my god, what am I going to do with her? I tell her I love her and I don't know what else to do and I'm so frustrated. She won't say about and she keeps telling me she's getting there but she's going really slow. She says I'm up on this penthouse of the building and she's walking up from the eighth floor. And I'm so frustrated Because he was a very go getter, get his way kind of guy. So she writes back oh, tony, I really understand. Oh my god, this is who she is. I said I'm a Christine and she's so warm and I'm going to be friends with her.
45:40
And she made me go through all these tests and I had to wait a long time and it was really hard and I really understand. He said what'd you do? He goes. She said well, I waited and we know when she's in, she's all in. I just want you to know that he goes.
45:53
Well, now, what should I do? She says well, I think you have three choices. Nobody would blame me if you walk away because she could be really frustrating about this. Or two, just hang up there on your pet because you know she tells me she likes you and she's. But she's on the eighth floor and she's walking up the stairs. She said or you could go down to the eighth floor and walk up with her. So I looked at her and I said so I did decide, because I had no idea what he was going to decide, because I know I could be in pain in the ass. And he goes, I'm going to go down to the eighth floor and walk with you. And he never said another word for a month and a month later I told him.
Hoyt - 46:29
I looked oh, that's a great story, christine.
Christine - 46:33
He took the pressure off. So when I had his wedding ring engraved, it said from Ishka Bibble to I love you.
Hoyt - 46:40
Oh well, that is a fantastic story. I love it.
Christine - 46:46
We all need to go. This is who I am. This is my pace. This is much work I've done. This is the work I still need to do. I'd like to do it with you. Can you live with this? Because not everybody can. And he said, okay, I can live with this, and I lived with the things about him. So we worked it out together. I mean that was the best thing.
47:07
So that's what I'm seeing that if you could have the open, honest conversation with somebody on the first day, the second day, the third day, if you're enjoying each other enough and you want to keep seeing each other, just keep talking about and not, I mean, some people you want to just do serious talk, but do the other stuff too. You know, like where's your favorite place to go on vacation, but who are you inside? Because if you don't feel comfortable sharing that, I don't think you're the right person, certainly not yet. So it's a nice barometer for both people. And then you see how do they receive it. He received it begrudgingly just fine, and I don't care about the begrudging, I cared about the just fine.
47:50
He never gave me another thought of it, a hard time about it after a month, and I just needed the relaxing. I needed the, not pushing, because that doesn't work for me personally. Some people need a little pushing. I don't do good with pushing. So here I am, knowing me, and I explained to him and he goes okie dokie. So when you do this kind of communicating early on, you know not a lot, not everything. Don't dump it all out, but be your real, authentic self. That's what you and Katie were. She said I don't know that this is going to work and this is why and I'm going to show you my stuff right away I mean, how charmed is that if you're the right receiver, see you even laugh about it. Now People like, oh my god, what if they don't like me, then they're not the right person.
Hoyt - 48:38
That's right, because what, how much of a blessing is that to learn that early on, when it's not right?
Christine - 48:45
Yes, because what you're going to go through in a committed, long term relationship that you're going to be slogging through I mean the good parts and the hard part. I mean when you both get sick at the same time or you have family problems or a death or big health. You need this foundation, where this is the thing I tell people you have to like them a lot, a lot, and if you don't keep liking them more, they're not your right person. You will love them, you will fall in love with them. You have to start out with the liking. That was the thing I kept going From the first day.
49:23
When I called my friend MP and now was the yo-yo of your debriefing I said I like him a lot. I'm not attracted to him at all, but I really like him. I like him with them, and that was my first clue of I think I've switched, how I'm going to be in a relationship next. So I coach people to look for the things that you like about them. Look for the things that you feel comfortable talking to them about and see their reaction, because it will make all the difference Ultimately, I think, in your sexual relationship, don't you think?
Hoyt - 49:57
Absolutely. That's just great advice. Taking that slow approach, your former husband had caught you right at a point where you were in a major personal remodel so you didn't yet know I don't know that I can do both these things what I was doing before and what I want to do now and blend them. I have to make a commitment to that long term approach and, you know, god bless him for being the patient man that he was.
Christine - 50:33
He was not, but he sure used it. I can't believe I've ever seen him in the view. And the thing that was so interesting too is that I so believe he kept saying I wish we'd met sooner, which it would have been nice, because we were only together five years when he died. Suddenly I said I wasn't ready. I now see what I had to do to get ready to be with you, to know how to be with somebody like you, how to be more of me and bring out more of you. I mean, he'd been married twice before and everybody kept saying they'd never seen him so happy, they'd never seen him so fulfilled. And it was because we were the right people at the right time. So that's the other thing. It's sort of, you know, that's why you keep putting yourself out there, because it's so you never know where they're going to be hanging out.
Hoyt - 51:20
That's absolutely true. You talked earlier about having the discussion around STDs. When is the right time to bring that up, and is that an equal responsibility for broaching that subject between a man and a woman?
Christine - 51:38
Hello, that is such a good question and I love that you guys talked about it on the first date because, well, that's so. That's highly unusual. I've done it. It certainly wasn't with my very conservative husband, but it was. I certainly had it before. The timing is when you're talking about it. You know, gosh, you know what kinds of things do you like and what kinds of things have you done.
51:59
And while I'd like to do that with you and whenever that's comfortable and I will say out loud that we women are kind of sensitive about that because we don't want you to just like us for our bodies, even though that's how you start and I tell women that's okay. I expect every woman, that man I sit across the table from wants to see me naked, and that's perfectly okay with me and I like it. But I know I'm in total control over when that's going to happen. So I think it's helpful if the woman, when she's ready, gives an opening. It's helpful if we say something first, because who knows what our background has been as a woman, who knows where our sensibilities are, that a little bit could be so offensive from a guy. A little bit could not be enough from a guy.
52:51
There was a thing on Facebook that I made me feel even more sorry for men. They said so, women, how many of you want to be asked before they kiss you the first time? Not asked before they kiss you the first time? Be in a committed relationship before they kiss you the first time? It was like 63% doesn't want to be asked. Never was up to like 93% because I don't do the math said didn't want to be asked, and then there was this tiny percentage that I'm like how is Amanda know? You kind of have a job of doing the wrong thing. It's so hard. So if we women would say he's the gas pedal, we're the break, we get to be in control, it's our body, you come inside our body, it's our permission that you come inside. So if you're interested in him or you're interested in finding out or you're interested in exploring, ask a little question and then it's the woman's responsibility to say this is the only question I'm asking. So I'm happy to have this conversation Now.
53:57
The man's going to want to have more of a conversation probably, and you can say, oh, just not yet. I'm really happy someday. But I need to just talk about this right now because partly it's a test and the woman hold her boundaries. Can the man respect them? Because this is a pretty small boundary to ask for you guys to stay within. So, like your whole 90 day thing, that was a big thing.
54:21
You went out on a limb because she was worth it. Well, if I say I can have this limited conversation, can we do that just today and we'll have another one next time? And you say, okay, I'm like I'd see you again, but he go. No, I want it and it's okay for you to say that I'm like, not my guy. So it's very tenuous for a man to bring it up. I'm not saying don't, with the right woman I'm fine, but I also have boundaries because I use it as a test, even though you have heard that I'm happy to talk about anything all the time once I know you well and certainly with on this and with clients.
55:00
But a man that I'm getting to know that potentially a relationship I start out with very small, they don't know no idea. There's only a few that get to know how much I like sex because I need to know if I have a bigger boundary later. Did you respect my smaller? Because if you don't respect my smaller, definitely not going to respect, and the safety is so important to us. Our physical, emotional, mental safety is such a high priority for women that it's hard for men and nowadays, when women are getting their feelings heard over stuff that I roll my eyes at I'm not a woman, but I just go really it's harder for men right now, I think as much as men.
55:44
You know you still have more women than men in our age group because you all die stoner. But there's this pop women that only want to casually date, only want to casually have sex, which is interesting because there's a bigger pocket of men that really want a relationship and they keep meeting these women that don't want a relationship. It's kind of an interesting conundrum. Right now, at this part, baby boomers are doing lots of crazy stuff, and this is one of them. So tread lightly, man.
Hoyt - 56:11
Yes, yes.
Christine - 56:12
But once you've decided you're going to have sex with this person, everybody I don't care how long it's been just go get a blood test. It's a lovely gift to give somebody and then you just exchange, because most of the time it's nothing. And now the new thing is the HPV. But you know, people know what to do about it and if it's dormant and my clients I have a number of clients who have herpes and they tell you need to tell, please tell, but tell. I know when I'm going to have a breakout I take medicine for it and nobody's caught it from me. The people who catch it is because somebody doesn't tell them.
56:46
Yes, I've not. I mean I talked to thousands of people. I don't know everybody. I've not heard one person who knew ahead of time and caught it from them not one, but everybody I know that caught it. It was a terrible surprise. So please have a blood test, just so you know. And if you're going to have multiple partners, I have no problem with that. Just be honest. Be honest, you know, I think it's best that we use condoms because I'm still having sex with more than one person. It's not my choice now, at this point in my life, I certainly date more than one person at once, but I don't have sex with more than one person. But if you're going to do it, just be honest, and there'll be people that'll be fine with it, and the people that aren't, they're not your people.
Hoyt - 57:31
Yeah, that's a really great point. So let's talk about menopause and its effect on sex drive in women and how you coach around that, because it feels like there is a sense of frustration, often with women. That kind of gets, you know, overblown in their minds in terms of I'm not bringing the, there's not the new car smell, that's on the lot here, you know.
Christine - 57:59
So my first advice to everyone, every woman, is get a blood test. It will show you where your hormone levels are. There's a very specific not sadly, sadly not every insurance company pays for it. I learned that the hard way. It's still. Well, it's not a lot, it's like $100. Well, worth to know where are your hormone levels, so you know where you're starting. Because there's more books now, more people talking about, but I still talk to people who go.
58:27
I had no idea I'd stop sleeping, I'd have memory loss, I'd be crabby the solid shit that happened to me. And dry Everything gets drier Everything. It's really a drug and you have no idea that it's happening. And then you're like holy crap. And so first find out where's your level and then what options. There's so many options, so many options.
58:56
My gynecologist I take bioidentical hormones, have taken them for a long time she calls them quality of life. I agree. My husband agreed to. We had a teenage girl in the house and I said you could have two of us acting like that, Aren't you glad? I don't.
59:11
But there's creams, there's suppositories, there's it's called a E-string and it's like a diaphragm that slowly releases for 90 days and you don't even know it just fits up inside. The most cool thing. I've done that for a while but depending on you know your family history of cancer there's only so many things you can do with estrogen. But there's wonderful loops. Wonderful loops that you can use every day to just make you feel more comfortable, because dry skin I mean think how dry your hands and your face get Bad, Because this is really delicate skin there's loops you can just use when you're having sex and there's so many kinds I had to go through. I'm super sensitive. I think I was. The one I used is the eight one. Eight one I tried because it's the most water soluble one, and the best way is my homework again, every day, or at least three or four times a please give yourself an orgasm, Please.
01:00:14
The skin atrophies, gets gray. You know how. If anybody ever looked, you know we had the book of our body ourselves and every got out their mirrors and we were all looking all the like they were. I didn't go to a party but I heard about the parties where everybody was looking. I looked at because I got the book. She left plump. I mean, wow, no, If you don't keep the blood flowing, that's what your. That's what an orgasm does it plumps up your lips and it plumps up inside and outside and it gets the blood going. And besides, who's going to pass up an orgasm? You feel so damn good after. It's not actually atrophy, but you can get smaller, which everybody goes, oh yay. Tighter, Tighter and dry is the worst combination. So lubricating with a loop and having an orgasm often will create and get and so and watch erotic movies or read erotic books.
01:01:10
I have to work with women who are more sensitive about it and there's some things they can do and some things they can't. They get more exploratory later, but to just start out with something that makes you start feeling a little juicier, and even that thing in the shower where they're massaging themselves and touching themselves can help a little. And then there's a wonderful expander things. You know you can expand yourself again, and if you end up with a lovely partner who really wants to help you get more sexual and sensual, that's really great too. But there's no reason to suffer and I am going to put it under the category of suffering.
01:01:53
Dry vagina is so uncomfortable, it's just uncomfortable, and I only want to think about it pleasantly during the day. I don't want to think about it. I'm pleasantly so to come up with a plan for you. Talk to your gynecologist, If you have somebody that you trust, or your general practitioner or internist, about what options are out there. I have a couple of Facebook groups that we talk about it all the time. We've got our favorite vibrators up there. So the other thing I'm going to say too is for a woman is don't get dependent on a vibrator, because I don't care how great he is, he can't keep up. That's not fair. So alternate with your hand, please. But that's also so you get.
01:02:35
Oh, I like the right side better. I like the left side better. I like this kind of pressure. I like staying here, and women are. I can just. They just blush and blush and blush and I go, just try it once. Just try it once and tell me how it was. And they come back and they go oh, it was okay. Because the messages they got as kids from society good girls, don't do that. I'm like you're going to be a crab. Orgasms just make us happy. Orgasms are good for our body, so then it will help the dryness and then you can get all these other over.
01:03:12
There's so much. There's a whole aisle in the in Target now. It's amazing. It's so great Because us baby boomers are needing stuff, so the manufacturers step up and bring. I mean, I became lactose intolerant when I was 50. There was hardly any stuff, but there's so much stuff now because there's a bunch of us that be nice to your body, be kind to your body, be loving to your body. It will make you more loving to the people around you. It'll make you more happy with the world. So, please, there's, there's always hope. There's always something to do. And there are women, like my friend's boyfriend, that can't ever get hard again. There's women it's called vulva diddia. And there's some women can be cured. It's tightness.
Hoyt - 01:03:57
Yeah.
Christine - 01:03:58
Like clamps down, bad and sometimes and some can't. Okay, as I said, intercourse is not the end, all be it all, it just isn't. Yeah, I mean, if a man could put his finger inside of you, there's a G spot, there's an A spot, there's all sorts of other things he can do not putting his penis in you, no matter how big or small it is. There's so many other pleasure points for you to have an amazing orgasm that people I think are too limited in their knowledge so they don't have so many things that they could use to please themselves first and then have somebody show somebody else how to please them. But menopause, it's a bitch. It's a bitch and there's. We all just need to keep figuring out ways to make us feel better. We knock. The goal is not to feel young, it's just to feel good at the age you are now. That's the point. So do you think I gave enough information for women and menopause?
Hoyt - 01:04:59
Oh, absolutely, and you know what I was thinking about as you were talking about that Christine is a woman who takes care of herself in that way, who honors the importance of that aspect of her life, is giving a gift to her partner, Right.
Christine - 01:05:17
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then if you go on the man side of this for him to say you know, what do you need? You know, do you need me to take longer? Do you need me to do more oral? To himself he says toys are a good additive. It doesn't mean I'm inadequate. We likely can play with toys together. They have to have that conversation with themselves. It's not that they're not good and wonderful. And boy, we want all that holding stuff too, and the vibrator can't do that.
01:05:46
But if the best way she gets off is this very concentrated, really fast, hun, we don't want to wear you out. Let's get the rose, let's get you know something that could potentially stimulate her, to put her over the edge. And the other thing that happens is for lots of women. I already knew this about me, but lots of women are like then I wanted another, I go. I know we can have more than one, but whatever gets you over the hill for the first one. Because lots of women are like I get so close, I get so close, I get so close.
01:06:19
Find the thing, I don't care what it is, search it out, the thing that will send you over the hill. Because once you've done it once. So much easier. Every other time so much easier Because you're already kind of sensitive and the blood's already pushing you around. But find the thing. Do not suffer. He can't Because most women can't. I can, but you can't penetrate. Um orgasm with penetration. Most women need glitoral stimulation, some just want that and no penetration.
01:06:48
Find the thing, which is why it's really helpful with yourself, because I have a toy that does both and one or the other. But look, look on reviews. See, women, I've had this problem. This is the toy that works for me, or this is the toy. Adam and Eve is my favorite place because it comes very discreet package. You have no idea that's what's coming. They have tons of reviews, they have huge range of price point to just find the thing and then include your partner, because it's so much for women, because he still, if he's the hand on the rose instead of you or whatever thing you're using, it seems to be the happy one right now.
01:07:30
He's still giving the take credit. Look what I did, look how she's. Oh my God, her body, her mind, her voice, your mind, her eye rolling back. Don't worry, nobody gets to worry about that. It's this combine, because it's way more fun with another person. Way more fun, and I'm all into masturbation. I think it should happen regularly. If you don't have a partner, or if your partner's traveling or they can't for some reason, they're sick, but together so much more magic, magic.
Hoyt - 01:08:06
Yeah.
Christine - 01:08:06
My Wilkins, david and Pugman quite the buyer from Adam and Eve. It was kind of fun to see that side of it.
Hoyt - 01:08:14
Well, Christine, this has been such a fun hour. I've enjoyed having you here and I can't wait for us to do it again sometime. I literally this is so much fun, and there's so many things to talk about. I know and this was this episode, I think, was just packed with so much great advice for men and women and I, oh yeah, on behalf of everybody out there, thank you so much.
Christine - 01:08:40
Welcome. So much, it's always said. I'm really it's such a pleasure to talk to you. I think your wife is a really really lucky gal.
Hoyt - 01:08:48
Oh, thank you. So, Christine, before we go, remind everybody how to find you on YouTube and on your website and on your socials.
Christine - 01:08:56
So my website is wwwtheprfectcatchcom and all my social media symbols are at the bottom. You just click on Facebook and LinkedIn and Twitter and Instagram and YouTube and Pinterest Right there. Sharon's made it so easy. I have no idea how to do that. You're also welcome to join my email list and you'll get a copy of my YouTube video that I do every week my podcast right in your mailbox. You can also schedule a appointment with me if you click on what's holding you back from love. You can also send me a personal email at Christine C-H-R-I-S-T-I-N-E at the perfectcatchcom and I answer them all the time, and it would be my pleasure to hear from you about sexual questions and challenges and how to have conversations. I'm so grateful that I was raised by this hippie mom who used to have sexual conversations around the dinner table. My friends used to love to come. Because it's given me this gift that I'm so happy to help other people feel more comfortable, because I think if people were having much more regular, happy sex, the world would be a better place.
Hoyt - 01:10:05
I'm so glad you're sharing it with the world. Well, Christine, thank you so much. We'll catch you next time.
Christine - 01:10:11
Thank you, Hoyt.
Hoyt - 01:10:15
I just loved having Christine co-host with me this week. The ease with which she talks about topics that need to be discussed but are often avoided is refreshing. She even changed my mind about the three-date rule. I'm your host, Hoyt Prisock. We'll see you here again next week for another episode of Behind the Swipe. Until then, swipe fearlessly.