Episode 9 - Modern Matchmaking

Modern Matchmaking

What do you do when your online dating life is a “FAIL?”  Maybe, there just aren’t enough matches for you.  Maybe you’ve been repeatedly disappointed with the quality of men and women you meet online.  Do you change sites?  Build a profile on Hinge or EHarmony and go fishing in a different pond? What if THAT doesn’t work?

Perhaps you just throw up your hands and take a vow of relationship celibacy.  It’s a real problem for hundreds of thousands of would-be daters just like you

Luckily, there is another solution… one that’s been around for hundreds if not thousands of years.

Enter the matchmaker.

If you’re like me, the word matchmaker evokes Yente from Fiddler on the Roof.  Or Rose Weissman, the mother/matchmaker in the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.  Or maybe it brings to mind arranged marriages common in the Hindu culture.

Are matchmakers even relevant today in the age of abundant choices in the online dating universe?

So today, we demystify modern matchmaking and learn where and when that option just might be YOUR best path to finding the romantic relationship you seek.

We’ll hear today from Rachel, a very attractive single professional woman whom, one would think, would have ZERO problems attracting high quality men on the dating apps.  She’ll tell us why she chose to both date online AND retain the services of a matchmaker.

So, to help us in the quest to understand how and why thousands of men and women opt to use a matchmaker,  I’m joined today by one of the southeast’s preeminent Matchmakers, Sarah Kathryn Walmsley.  founder of Atlanta based 1on1 Matchmaking.

 She’s one of the most respected names in matchmaking. Sarah Kathryn has been profiled as an authority on relationships and singles issues by The Wall Street Journal, The Oprah Winfrey Show, CNN, Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, and many others. And, her expertise has led to more than 400 marriages.

This week’s Guest Co-Host

Sarah Kathryn

Walmsley

founder: 1on1 Matchmaking

Sarah Kathryn and her team at 1on1 Matchmaking have been carefully curating matches for over 24 years. Her experience and insights have made her a sought after subject matter expert by the likes of CNN, Oprah Winfrey and many more.

Follow on Instagram @1on1matchmaking

Transcript:

Hoyt: 0:03
This is Behind The Swipe, the podcast that takes you inside the lives of real men and women over 40 who have taken the plunge into the Offen, Burkey, and sometimes exhilarating world of online dating. Each week, we explore new topics through the experiences and expectations of real online daters just like you. I'm your host, Hoyt Prisock. Join me as we peel back the one dimensional dating profiles to discover the real men and women behind the swipe. What do you do when you're online? Dating life is a fail. Maybe there just aren't enough matches for you. Maybe you've been repeatedly disappointed with the quality of men and women you're meeting online. Do you change sites? Build a profile on hinge or eHarmony and go fishing in a different pond. what if that doesn't work? Perhaps you just throw up your hands and take a vow of a relationship celibacy. It's a real problem for hundreds of thousands of would-be Daters. Just like you. Luckily, there's another solution. One that's been around for hundreds, if not thousands of years. Enter the matchmaker. Now if you're like me, the word matchmaker evokes Yenta from Fiddler on the roof or rose Wiseman, the mother slash matchmaker in the marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Or maybe it brings to mind the arranged marriages, common in the Hindu culture. Our matchmakers even relevant today in the age of abundant choices in the online dating universe. So today we demystify modern matchmaking. And learn where, and when that option just might be your best path to finding the romantic relationship you seek. We'll hear today from Rachel. Uh, very attractive single professional woman whom. One would think would have zero problems attracting high-quality men on the dating apps. She'll tell us why she chose to both date online and retain the services of a matchmaker. So to help us in this quest to understand how and why thousands of men and women opt to use a matchmaker. I'm joined by one of the Southeast preeminent matchmakers. Sarah Catherine Walmsley. Founder of Atlanta based one-on-one matchmaking. She's one of the most respected names in matchmaking. Sarah Katherine has been profiled as an authority on relationships and single issues by the wall street journal. The Oprah Winfrey show CNN cosmopolitan men's health. And many others. And her expertise has led to get this more than 400 marriages. Sarah Catherine, welcome to the behind the swipe.

Sarah Kathryn: 3:07
Thank you. I'm glad to be here.

Hoyt: 3:10
Well, I, I truly am so excited and I, I, I think I was telling you before I started this, that my desk here is full of note cards of topics that I want to explore with you. So I, I can't wait to hear, but I've got one question I wanna start with, and that is that you've been doing this for quite some time. So what I wanna know is, did you take like an aptitude test when you were in college and they said, oh, this woman was born to be a matchmaker. How did that happen?

Sarah Kathryn: 3:38
I, uh, after graduating from college, I had a hard time finding my first job and in high school I would set up people, uh, from my hometown with my high school'cause it was a Catholic high school and I set up, I was responsible for many, many prom dates and I've always enjoyed it. Now my dad and. Saw me as a young professional, having a hard time getting that first professional job. And he had a friend who had started, um, a matchmaking firm that was failing. It was a dinner club for single people. And so I was matched by my father. He said, why don't you meet this person? And I went on to start a company called Eight at Eight Dinner Club, which is gets four single men and four single women to go to dinner at eight o'clock. And that's how I got into matchmaking. That is not the upscale matchmaking that I do. Primarily at this point, but it is still part of our business and it's really important for singles just to meet face-to-face.

Hoyt: 4:33
That's a fantastic story. So, so you were, you were match made into the matchmaking business,

Sarah Kathryn: 4:39
Because he knew that was a skill that I just had. I guess I've always enjoyed it. I never thought it could be a a career and here we are.

Hoyt: 4:48
some 20 years, right? You've been at this Right.

Sarah Kathryn: 4:51
years this year. I can't believe it. My only job I've ever had.

Hoyt: 4:55
Well, congratulations. So tell me a little bit about, one-on-one

Sarah Kathryn: 4:59
So one-on-one is a boutique matchmaking firm here in Atlanta, Georgia, but we help singles throughout the southeast and even up to New York and out to California. our clients are professional white collar singles who are looking for the right one, and lots of times they've done internet dating and done the apps and they're just frustrated and wanna try something that is a little bit more hands-on. I think it's a lot more fun and it's. Definitely more successful and reliable than having to do it yourself.

Hoyt: 5:27
So you actually cover broader than just the, Atlanta, region. so you've got this stable of people who are your clients that are active and if you're able to match within that existing group, you do. does part of your service include reaching out beyond your immediate network to find the

Sarah Kathryn: 5:48
Absolutely. That's the difference between a matchmaker and a dating service. A dating service only sets you up with the people that are also in the pond, which is a good start because the pond is financially qualified, but it's not the best because. When we are constantly networking around town, we have previous members and for our clients we'd want to do the very best match, not necessarily whether they're an active client at that time. So we stay on great terms with a lot of, of our previous clients, and if something rings a bell, we'll set that up. We also, we're constantly searching for what we call courtesy clients, and that might be a demographic of a person who we have a hard time finding, and we will set them up for free. And, and a lot of matchmakers do that to help supplement the matches.

Hoyt: 6:35
and so in a scenario like that, then you are going to be sort of reaching out to your broad network, and I'm assuming then that with as much success as one-on-one has had over the years that a lot of your businesses now, um, referrals.

Sarah Kathryn: 6:51
goodness. Most of ours is word of mouth or referrals from happy couples, and even people who are married, no single, you know, no single people. So we've really worked hard to market and be in the community, but ultimately, our best, client is somebody that was referred to us. Mm-hmm.

Hoyt: 7:09
I had the opportunity this week to interview a woman who's, who's a little bit unusual for me in that she's both using a matchmaking service and she's dating online simultaneously. So let's hear Rachel's story and then we'll come back and talk about that.

Rachel: 7:25
a girlfriend of mine told me about a national, Dating service that she became a member of. And I immediately was interested because I liked the idea of having a different avenue. and because it was a national service, it would look all over the country and I, I didn't have anything keeping me in my current city. yeah, I looked into it and I liked the idea that, Maybe the gentleman I would meet would be somewhat vetted and I would know ahead of time, where they grew up or where they went to college or, how many kids they had. I mean, with a lot of those services, I mean, they do one-on-one interviews so the person can't just sign up and say they're divorced once with no kids. I mean, there is a vetting process. So, um, so yeah, I first, Worked with the National Service in, um, gosh, probably 2000 5, 6, 7, something like that. you know, there were only a few at the time really. And, I connected with Selective Search and got to know them very well and they introduced me to quite a few. Really great guys. I mean, really great ultimately, no one was a forever match, but I would say, say, say they introduced me to 10 people. I would say at least seven of them had potential. They were type person, the quality person, That I was looking for, you know, but if the chemistry's not there, clearly the chemistry's not there. then it wasn't until a few years later that I connected with a local, service called one-on-one matchmaking. And they were able to introduce me to folks. within my city. and it was really a good experience too. I remember when I first called and talked to them, one of their associates, you know, I, I explained who I was and the industry I worked in and, and. My desire to travel and my desire of the kind of person to be with. And she, she said right away at the time, and I, I know they've, enhanced the roster since then, but she said, you know, I don't know if we have who you're looking for, you know, and I really appreciated that, that, you know, she wasn't just looking to sign me up and charge me. She really wanted to help me find someone and wanted, To ensure that she was setting expectations appropriately.

Hoyt: 9:53
Uhhuh.

Rachel: 9:54
However, by the time they set me up with the first person, it was the ideal guy. it was really a good match. And we dated three or four months. Although it didn't move forward, he was recently divorced and there just wasn't the opportunity to connect. But, since then they've introduced me to probably seven or 10 other people. And, it's been a great process, and they, tell you about the person. They send you a picture, they, tell you what they're looking for and where they are in life and what their age is. it's been really, really helpful and I, and enjoyable and, sometimes they'll present someone that, you know, maybe it's not, I don't think initially that it's the exact right fit, but if I have the time and I have the energy and, you know, I, I wanna keep the process. Going and, and stay at top of mind for the service. I'll, I'll say yes. to just have a good experience and try out something new. And they do this for a living, so they. they have some expertise and I'm sure they've seen over and over how opposites attract. Or maybe someone wasn't excited initially and then they went out on the date and they were pleasantly surprised So I've definitely trusted them about their selections and it has pushed me out of my, comfort zone a little bit, but in a good way. I. and again, ultimately none of those folks were matches, but, I met some really nice people and honestly, I met nice people that I would introduce to someone else.

Sarah Kathryn: 11:27
Wow.

Hoyt: 11:28
So Sarah Catherine, that's a glowing, review I would say.

Sarah Kathryn: 11:33
give a great examples of how to be a perfect client. That's great.

Hoyt: 11:38
So let me ask you about that because I think she made a really interesting point here, and that is that you were finding ways to introduce her to people that she might not ordinarily have, that might not have. Made the filter that she had created for people. So I'm guessing that that's part science and part art here as part of what you do. So tell me about your process and how you think of how people should fit together, might fit

Sarah Kathryn: 12:08
Well.

Hoyt: 12:09
and,

Sarah Kathryn: 12:09
Yeah. You know, it's a little bit similar to being a real estate agent because it's knowing what's on the market at that time when the person comes across your desk, and I love that she was well qualified because the last thing that I wanna do is work with a client that we don't have adequate matches for if the person's, requirements or desires or outside of what we can deliver, we generally just part ways before we even start. So, That would be a great, um, buyer's tip to anybody considering hiring a matchmaker is that you do wanna pick somebody that is, discerning someone that is similar in background to you. somebody that is going to stay confidential. That's all very important qualities of a great matchmaker.

Hoyt: 12:52
we were talking about exactly that, about the process of matching somebody that on paper might not look like a good fit, but because you know both of these people, like you're seeing something in there that you would say, oh, I think these two would

Sarah Kathryn: 13:06
well every, we have a, at least a one hour consult in our office and they tell us their life story about how they were raised, their college years, what. Attributes they don't want to in a partner, and we just sort of absorb all those. I have a small team of four full-time employees and we absorb all that and then we debate among ourselves who we think would be the right match for this person. And we have a data base full of thousands of singles that are at varying degrees of single hood. Sometimes they are in a relationship, sometimes they're not. Sometimes we have to call and check because when a great new client comes across our desk, we might think of someone. But they are currently involved. But we'll just keep that person on the list for possibly later. And one other fact that I like about that is we always say that it's like a girlfriend setting you up on blind dates. So sometimes we just have to go off of our hunches of what we think you'd like based on your lifestyle and the choices that you've made in your life. But in general, our clients, the typical client likes eight out of 10 of their matches. That doesn't mean that it always ends up in a relationship or even a second date, but if you tell us what you're looking for, you are the client and that's who we're here to work for. We wanna make sure that you look across the table and see a quality individual that you can at least say that was, I can see what they were going with, yes or no. They can decide that themselves.

Hoyt: 14:30
Oh, sure. the one thing you can't control is whether there's actually, as Rachel put it, chemistry, right. that you just have to put the two elements together to find out whether that's gonna happen or, or, or not. Mm-hmm. but eight out of 10, that's a pretty high success

Sarah Kathryn: 14:44
Well, and when you think about it that another smart thing that she said was, you know, I wanna stay on their radar. I wanna stay on their good side because we set up hundreds of dates per month. And if you are the kind of gal that is up for a good time, adventurous, happy to meet a new friend, we will keep that in mind as well. Um, highly picky. Little bit cranky, undesirable, never smiles. You're not gonna get called by us as often. we definitely love to put forward people that we love to represent.

Hoyt: 15:17
And, so first of all, when I fly in and out of the Atlanta airport, I see your lovely faces on the, on the billboard next to the, uh, clear access entry point, uh, strategically placed. I'm

Sarah Kathryn: 15:29
Right before they get divorced, after traveling too much for work, I think. Yeah.

Hoyt: 15:35
So plant, plant the idea really early on here. So, uh, so Claire, Katherine, there's not really, I'm guessing that there's not really a typical client, right? But you have some sweet spots around. So how, how would you, you know, the men and the. Among your clients or among the courtesy clients that you, that you work with,

Sarah Kathryn: 16:02
so. 98% of our clients have a four year degree. Many of them have advanced degrees. about half of them own companies. That's a very, um, common thing for the people that hire us. They're fit, well traveled, and they wanna be discreet because of their jobs. Um, it's not necessarily about the money. It's their time that they don't wanna waste with. Um, Ghosted profiles. We don't get ghosted. We can find out what happened, with even scheduling the reservations. If you're the kind of person that has a personal trainer, a travel agent, a personal chef, then why would you not hire a matchmaker as well to just round out your dating experience and try to get some great quality matches in there, as well as internet dating? I think that internet dating is a great avenue. I prefer it when our clients have tried it, at least before they hire us.

Hoyt: 16:52
Oh, that, that makes perfect sense. So with, Rachel's situation, she was dating both online and through you, and, and she clearly, you will hear in the, in the second half of the show, we'll come back to, to Rachel, but she's going to talk about, How that just doubles her opportunities really. she's got folks like you that are sort of looking out, you know, have the radar being scanned for, you know, for potential matches out there. And one of the fascinating things that she was saying, which kind of made me feel like, well, yes, part of it's the matchmaking, but part of it is like coaching, right? It's part of the coaching for the, and she talked about, the. Post date debriefs that you do. Can you tell me about that?

Sarah Kathryn: 17:38
Uh, yes. We. Our very high communicators, we talk to our clients before the date and then also after the date. Because feedback is key to being more successful in your future endeavors. With dating. Um, we can help people say, you know, you don't realize this, but you've been talking about your divorce a lot, on all of your dates. Or they said that you mention, you had your phone out the whole time. Whatever it is, they might be unaware and we can help coach them to be better daters.

Hoyt: 18:06
And so for, for the people who are, online dating right now that maybe aren't having a lot of success, and frankly have the wherewithal to do this, I mean, this is not an inexpensive proposition for, for most people to retain a matchmaking service of your caliber anyway. when people come to you after having not that great an experience, what are some of the first things that you try to find out from them about their experience in online dating that might help you match them better?

Sarah Kathryn: 18:38
Generally, with, of course what they're looking for and the. We encourage them that the more open they are, the more likely they are to find it. So if a female is in her fifties and only wants to date two years older than herself, we would definitely recommend to find the most quality men that she's looking for. She needs to broaden the age bracket because You just never know what the right person might look like. Recently, we had a woman in her fifties who hired us and she had gotten divorced, hadn't dated much since then. We got her on four dates within the first month, and she was overjoyed to finally be on a dinner date with a man that she had not been on a date in practically 25 years.'cause she had been married, uh, that that's the kind of special stuff that we can make happen. And ultimately people want to go on dates with quality people and that's what we.

Hoyt: 19:28
Uh, what about the, uh, you, you talked a little bit about the tough fits. I mean, there, there are people that are gonna be tough fits for one reason or another. Some of those reasons might be that they don't necessarily present well on a dating profile, right? They might be really quality individuals, but. Don't present very well.

Sarah Kathryn: 19:51
Right.

Hoyt: 19:52
they might be geographically challenged, right? They live in a small town, Not in a big metro area. Or another possibility is their filters might be set so

Sarah Kathryn: 20:04
Yes, yes.

Hoyt: 20:06
So, so how do you address those issues?

Sarah Kathryn: 20:10
you cannot tell somebody. You have to show them. So if, let's just say a, a gentleman wants to date significantly younger, 20, 25 years younger.'cause he fashions himself as very youthful. Uh, we can't tell him that that's a little bit of a stretch, but we can introduce'em to a few women like that and we can share with him their feedback, which is generally, he's a little too old for me. but he didn't know that until he hired us. A lot of times people need to hire a matchmaker to set them up with what they want, that they can't get on their own. And, we're happy to oblige with that. But ultimately, um, you have to sell yourself on the date. That's what's, that's where it

Hoyt: 20:50
that's great advice anyway, regardless,

Sarah Kathryn: 20:53
It's hard to give advice when people have something in their heart, but the more narrow it is, the more likely, we actually sometimes just can't work with them. We just have to not start the process.

Hoyt: 21:06
I think that you had mentioned that earlier, and that makes perfect sense to me, is that there are some people that just are not a good match for your

Sarah Kathryn: 21:14
Right. I love it. You, you guys, y'all are onto something with the, there are some people that just don't present online. Maybe they take terrible pictures. Maybe they're a gentleman that's short. Maybe they're a woman that's tall. It, it's, you can get overlooked just by some statistic where a matchmaker can come in and say, Hey, Hoy, you've got to give this girl a chance. Go on one day with her. What do you have to lose? And then, You know, the intellect is just a total compatibility and it's a love match forever, but sometimes it takes a matchmaker getting in there and being a busy body on your behalf.

Hoyt: 21:49
I love that concept. So Sarah Catherine, let's take a little break here and then when we come back I wanna hear a little bit more of what Rachel had to say about her experience. I hope you're enjoying behind the swipe. It's been a true honor for me to hear from so many of you, how much you appreciate the work we're doing. But we need your help to spread the word and grow our audience. And there are two things that you can do right now. That will be so meaningful to us. First. Apple and Spotify rely heavily on listeners, ratings and reviews. To decide which podcasts to recommend. So please do so in your app now. And second. If, you know, someone you think may enjoy Behind the Swipe. Please share a link from wherever you listen. Thanks again for all your support now. Back to the show. so I'm back here with. Sarah Katherine Walmsley, the founder of One-on-One matchmaking. So welcome back. We had heard in the first half of the show from Rachel about her experience, both in online dating and in working with a matchmaker. And it was positive really on both sides. And I wanted to go back to one of the things, uh, in your profile, it talked about 400 marriages here. I wanna understand is that typically the intent of someone that comes to you or, or are there a variety of intentions for coming to a matchmaker?

Sarah Kathryn: 23:23
The objective of most of our clients is to get into a serious relationship, and our company's purpose is to help singles. Have fun and date and get into a serious relationship. So we are looking to help them find that it. Now, of course, if you're in your twenties and thirties and you wanna get married and have a baby, of course that's marriage, fifties and sixties, divorce, not, you know, a little bit more casual about it. which is great. We're, we're here for whatever they're, they're looking for.

Hoyt: 23:49
And do you serve clients across age groups, or does does it tend to concentrate in

Sarah Kathryn: 23:55
Well, Everything is a bell curve, so of course we have more, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, and it does get a little thinner in the early twenties and the seventies.

Hoyt: 24:05
So Sarah Catherine, let's listen to the second part of the interview with Rachel,'cause she brings up a topic that I want to discuss with

Sarah Kathryn: 24:13
Okay.

Rachel: 24:14
it is a little different now because online dating is so prevalent and apps are so prevalent. But, initially I. I think a number of the folks I met were men that were of a certain success level that didn't want their picture or image or details to be public knowledge. You know, um, you know, if you're the c e o of a company or you own your own company or whatever it is, you,

Hoyt: 24:41
You don't want your employees accidentally running

Rachel: 24:44
Exactly. You don't want your neighbor coming across it, whatever. You wanna just keep it a little more private. And so, that's exactly,

Hoyt: 24:53
Yeah. And so at the time that you were involved with the matchmaking service, you were still dating online, so you were doing both of these things. Right. And so it's not an either or kind of proposition, and I guess the matchmakers don't really look at it that way either. Is that your perception?

Rachel: 25:13
Oh yes, absolutely. I mean, for me it worked because I thought having lots of different avenues was the best option and. Some people aren't comfortable with online dating, or maybe they tried it and they met people that they didn't like, or they, you know, didn't represent themselves appropriately on the app, and they've stopped doing that and they only use services now for matchmaking, and I certainly understand that too. But yeah, I was interested in meeting the most. That I, I thought were quality people.

Hoyt: 25:47
So Sarah Catherine, she talks about

Sarah Kathryn: 25:49
Mm-hmm.

Hoyt: 25:50
there. Is that a major factor? You're talking about a lot of, company owners being, a among your clients. is that one of the major factors that they just feel like they need to be more

Sarah Kathryn: 26:01
Absolutely discretion and confidentiality is super important and we work very difficult when we never ever give the last names. It's a completely blind date. We don't want you to be able to Google one another or find terrible old pictures or ex-wives. we just want you to go on the date, be yourself, be your best self, and have a nice time.

Hoyt: 26:24
I think back to some of my experiences and I've never used the services of a matchmaker, but when I was dating online before meeting Katie, um, obviously before meeting Katie, but before meeting Katie, I was actually surprised at some of the high profile. People that I did end up matching with and dating, you know, CNN News anchors, and you know,

Sarah Kathryn: 26:49
Radio personalities. Yes. It's amazing. They, well, they have, they're people too, I suppose, and they need, They're not afraid. I will say that the stigma of online dating has finally passed. I do think that it's generational. I think that sometimes I encounter folks in their fifties and sixties and seventies that would never do internet dating and for them that's fine. Uh, they can use a matchmaker, but you really can do internet dating and be very successful. I think it's an awesome vehicle. We are not their competition. We are offline dating Matchmakers are offline. And the apps are online dating. What I don't like about them is that they're not, you're not as financially qualified, and you're definitely not as invested in the process. And so I don't think that you're as likely to find success doing those things because of all the speed bumps that can happen with scheduling and. Pictures and just not having a, a big sister in the, in the thing to help you. Uh, I'll say that like, you know, it's like selling a house. You've got to sell yourself online. And so pictures are the most important thing. there is definitely a lot of blogs about what pictures to use for internet dating and what not to use.

Hoyt: 27:59
and few, at least few men actually pay attention to what they ought to be posting and what they actually

Sarah Kathryn: 28:05
That's what I hear. I hear that. I, I mean, uh, there's definitely some people that just can't seem to, to take advice and realize that image is everything. In this day and age, like your LinkedIn profile picture, your website profile picture, people are gonna find it. And it's not just for your internet. Dating profile. It's worth it to get a professional photo because that dater that you interviewed, if you have a professional photo, matchmakers can set you up on even better dates

Hoyt: 28:33
Oh, that's a really great point. So Rachel had admitted to, although I don't really, I didn't really see a lot of this, but she had admitted to fundamentally being an introvert. So do you find a difference between, Your clients being more introverted or more extroverted, or do you feel like your, client base sort of maps to the bell curve of the general

Sarah Kathryn: 28:57
I mean, many of them are pretty dynamic. for everyone that we have. The dynamic, we do have some. Shy bookworms and stuff, but for the most part, think about it. If you're a single mom and you, you are doing nothing but p t a and say you're a teacher or a nurse, you're not even meeting eligible men day to day. So we can get them in front of the types of people that they're looking for. And they're generally, some people are just shockingly accomplished and it's really delightful to set them up.

Hoyt: 29:27
you talked about, finally kind of over the stigma of online dating. Was there a point in time when the matchmaking idea was stigmatized, or do you feel like it might still be.

Sarah Kathryn: 29:41
I think matchmaking is having a bit of a resurgence. I think that anybody can call themselves a matchmaker and anybody can do it. Most major cities have one or two matchmakers, and so nationwide, I would say there's less than a hundred. I'm part of a matchmaking organization that we go to conferences every year in New York and Cancun, and we work on our best practices and we work, um, based on a. Set of standard and principles that other matchmakers don't always have. It can be a very unscrupulous group of, of people that can be a little bit of a scam and they prey on people's insecurities or emotions at that time. So I would definitely say buyer beware. Get your references. Get get a, make sure the person's been in business. Check their. Yelp reviews and stuff because matchmakers, they all make their own prices. They all make their own rules. They all work with a different set of people. There's gay matchmakers, Indian matchmakers, Jewish matchmakers. It's very niche.

Hoyt: 30:43
And most of them have TV

Sarah Kathryn: 30:44
Yeah, all those do. Right?

Hoyt: 30:47
So what do you think the biggest, misconceptions that you hear, about matchmaking

Sarah Kathryn: 30:52
of the time people think it's just men that hire us, and that's not true. Women and men hire women and men that are professional singles hire us and they're doing it because their time is valuable and they're not looking to waste any more time on dating apps or waiting for chance.

Hoyt: 31:09
through the course of your career here, I'm sure you've heard some strange misconceptions. What's the weirdest misconception that you can remember about

Sarah Kathryn: 31:17
Probably that we're an escort service, which we are not. But yeah, that would be a misconception and. Really and truly my advice to singles is just to be the person that the person you are looking for is looking for. And that is, if you want to be with a total lovely gentleman, then you need to be a lady and you need to put your best foot forward and really consider the fact that men are visually motivated. that is the number one thing for guys. You can deny it or say that you wish it wasn't so, but it just is. Men fall in love with their eyes and women. Sparks can grow over time, if they will. If they sit down across a quality individual with good background education, solid choices in their life, they should give that person a second date because the chemistry just might grow.

Hoyt: 32:08
Yeah. So how do you coach that from the standpoint of, so you've got one of the two daters who says, yes, I'd like to. See her again or see him again. And the other one is, not a hard no, but is kind of saying maybe not. How do you, how do you approach

Sarah Kathryn: 32:27
they've already inve we, that's one of the reasons we get on the phone with them. They've already invested in the first date, and if they both think the other person's a quality individual with no absolute hard stop red flags, we encourage them to go on a second date. Unfortunately, if a man is not physically attracted to her, That's probably not going to change if she's not physically attracted to him. It could very well change. It's just

Hoyt: 32:54
that's.

Sarah Kathryn: 32:55
very interesting how that works.

Hoyt: 32:57
but you've seen that so much that you've said that that's just kind of a hard and fast rule,

Sarah Kathryn: 33:01
it's not personal. It's not personal. It's just how We're wired, right.

Hoyt: 33:06
So, anything else that we should kind of know about? What did we not touch on here? That's Im important for people to

Sarah Kathryn: 33:12
Price.

Hoyt: 33:13
Yeah. Now tell me about that. Because, my perception is that, well, you gotta be pretty wealthy to go do that.

Sarah Kathryn: 33:18
I think that anybody that makes over a hundred thousand dollars could probably find a matchmaking service that they could work with. I know that there's some national firms that. Like the one that the caller referenced, I am not the hugest fan of the national firms because they want you to fly to go meet another single person. And the odds that in a major metro market, there's not one person that you could fit with is silly, right? So if you have a local matchmaker, you're gonna go on more dates and you're probably gonna have more in common with the person anyway.

Hoyt: 33:52
Uh huh.

Sarah Kathryn: 33:53
Besides that, the local ones are probably cheaper. I've heard that the nationals are anywhere from$25,000 to$50,000. If you are the paying client, they do have a courtesy program where you could do it for free, but I don't know. I don't know how that works. Uh, the local matchmakers in our city start at$5,500 and it goes up to$15,000. It depends on your age and how specific you are, whether you need to see photos or not. So the$15,000 package is where we go recruit for people and show photos. And the$5,000 package is for, a more general search. Maybe just somebody also in the database.

Hoyt: 34:32
So when you're recruiting, it's organic recruitment or do you have people that are actually online just saying, oh, that that

Sarah Kathryn: 34:39
Absolutely. We find people all the time on LinkedIn, Facebook. We find them on Bumble and tender and reach out to them and say, Hey, you are the exact look of what my client is looking for. Would you be willing on to go on a date? I'll tell you about him. And if you get approached by a matchmaker who asks you to do that, you should definitely take them up on it. What do you have to lose? You're getting to experience matchmaking services for free.

Hoyt: 35:03
before we go here, I wanna make sure that people, who are we have a number of listeners in the Atlanta area, as you can imagine. Uh, and you cover a broad territory as well. And then you're affiliated with matchmakers all over the country So tell people how to get in touch with you.

Sarah Kathryn: 35:23
well, our website is one on one matchmaking.com, and our phone number is(404) 888-1118. We have all the social media channels and we have all the. All the bells and whistles. We do have an office as well, which sets us apart. Most matchmakers are virtual and we have an office in the middle of town where singles come and meet with us every day. We have dozens of meetings a week to try to just keep our finger on the pulse of who's single today and who's not gonna be single tomorrow. Because we have success stories, we hear about two or three engagements per month.

Hoyt: 36:00
Wow, congratulations. Sarah Catherine, this has been so much fun. Thank you so much for joining us today. I've loved it, and I know that we've enlightened a whole bunch of people who maybe didn't even consider this as a

Sarah Kathryn: 36:14
Well, thank you, Hoyt. I love your podcast. I think it's really cool.

Hoyt: 36:19
If you're enjoying behind the swipe. You can subscribe to our weekly episode feed on apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And follow us on Instagram at behind the swipe podcast. Got an over 40 dating story. We'd love to hear it. Just go to behind the swipe.com and click on the, be a guest tab. We just might feature you on one of our upcoming episodes. I'm your host, Hoyt Prisock. Until next week. Swipe fearlessly.