Hoyt: 0:06

Welcome to another episode of behind the swipe. I'm your host Hoyt Prisock and today we're diving deep into the profound intersections of spirituality psychology. And our understanding of life and death. With Dr. Amy Robbins. But before we embark on this engaging conversation. I want to take a moment to highlight our exciting new series. Julie's journey, uh, behind this white dating make-over. Last week we introduced you to Julie who's bravely stepping back into the dating world. With the help of our expert team. She's currently working with our top make-over experts. And we're capturing every step of her transformation. In a few weeks, we'll dedicate another entire episode to her progress, sharing insights and breakthroughs that promise to resonate with many of you navigating the similar path. Now back to today's special guests. Dr. Amy Robins is not only a clinical psychologist with nearly two decades of experience, but also a spiritual intuitive. Who explores life's deepest questions on her podcast life. Death and the space between. Her unique perspective uses the wisdom of death to enrich lives, meaning and relationships, a topic we find, especially pertinent for those over 50 re-entering the dating scene. In our discussion today. Dr. Robbins will share her journey into the realms of energy, psychology and spiritual intuition sparked by her personal loss and transformative experiences. We'll explore how these elements influence romantic relationships, particularly the challenges faced by more spiritually aware individuals seeking partners in the digital age. How does one navigate dating when their spiritual paths may not align? Can spiritually indifferent people find common ground With those deeply embedded in their spiritual journeys. Join us as Dr. Robbins, your strategies for identifying and embracing spiritual compatibility. And how these approaches. Can lead to deeper, more meaningful connections. Whether you're spiritually curious or deeply devoted today's conversation will offer valuable insights into living authentically. And loving wisely. So without further delay, I bring you my conversation. With Dr. Amy Robbins. Dr. Amy Robbins, it's a pleasure to have you here on Behind the Swipe today. Thank you so much for coming.

Dr Amy Robbins: 2:46

Thank you so much for having me.

Hoyt: 2:49

You host a podcast called Life, Death, and the Space Between. And you had a very close friend of mine, Dr. Karn Louise, on as a guest a few weeks ago, and during your conversation it occurred to me that because of her awareness of her energy, level and her Evolvement, from a spiritual standpoint that's going to make it tough for you to date out in the real world And so I wanted to explore some of those topics with you as we go through the show here today But before we do that Tell me a little bit about you, your podcast and your practice.

Dr Amy Robbins: 3:27

Sure, so I'm a licensed clinical cytologist. I practice in Chicago. I have a part time practice. I see about 20 25 patients a week. And, my work is grounded in traditional psychodynamic, psychoanalytic psychotherapy, which is kind of the longer term, more, relational, like really looking at how our early relationships inform our current relationships and the choices we make and the decisions we make and really trying to help people become more conscious of their own responses, reactions, projections to whatever, comes up for them in their relationships, using the relationship as the way to help guide a lot of the work that we do, including the relationship between myself and the patient. so that's the, boring, more traditional side of me. And then you sprinkle in a few spiritually transformative experiences from dead loved ones and everything gets a lot more interesting. And so what happened was when I was, in college, my aunt died of juvenile onset diabetes. She was 47 years old at the time. She was waiting for a kidney and pancreas transplant and in order to withstand the transplant, they needed to make sure her heart would have been strong enough to do so. It was not, so they went in to repair her heart and when they went in to repair her heart they found that it just was irreparable. They could not get her heart going again and she died on the table. Like I said, I was 18 at the time, she was 47, my age, the age that I'm almost in one month going to be. And obviously this was really traumatic as any, significant loss is, especially the significant loss of someone out of, I call it an out of order loss, it just didn't make sense. And, really was stricken by trauma. Um, I was stricken by grief, but didn't necessarily realize it was grief. I was in college, obviously a lot going on, but also a lot of anxiety that really coincided with my grief. and I will fast forward to grad school when I was getting ready. I had been in therapy and kind of working through that, but was really still plagued by the grief. And, um, was in grad school, went back to grad, graduate school, and was getting ready for my cousin's wedding, her son. And I had had what I now know is a visit. Some people would say it's a dream. It was not a dream. It was very clearly a visit where she came to me and started giving me very specific information. So she told me to tell my mom not to be upset. She'll be at the wedding. I saw a very clear image of my mom standing at our kitchen sink in the house I grew up in. And then she gave me an image of my uncle and she said tell him that I hear him when he's talking to me and I could clearly see him pushing my cousin in a stroller while he was out walking. She said I hear him when he talks to me while he walks. So I woke up, called my mom as soon as I was able, as soon as the son came up and shared with her this. And my mom became speechless and started crying and said, I was talking to her last night and I was saying to her, I can't believe you're not going to be there. I can't believe you're not going to be at the wedding. And then I called my uncle and the same thing. He, he validated the experience that I had had. He said, that's when I speak to her, when I'm out walking and running. And that's I thought, okay, well, that was an interesting experience. What happened? And I went to grad school that day and I had a professor who was very grounded in psychoanalytic psychotherapy, but also, very spiritual and was, did a lot of training in, with indigenous cultures and indigenous healing practices. And so I knew she would probably be able to help guide me. And when I shared this with her, she said, well, you had a visit and I had never heard of that before. And she said, I think you're opening up to something and I think you should pursue it. And so here was this, I mean, I was so lucky. I still, every time I talk about her, I, I text her and I said, did you, were your ears ringing today? Because, I think she was such a profound, I mean, it could have gone one of two ways. She could have definitely said to me, look, I, I think you need to shut this down, but she didn't. And she encouraged me to pursue this, which I did not do for many years. And then my grandfather passed away and it happened again. And then I started having experiences with with patients, loved ones coming to me. And at, and at that point, I realized there's something more happening here and I need to get a grip on this. I really need to understand what's going on.

Hoyt: 8:06

And so you decided to really dig deep into this vein for you from a professional standpoint at that stage. and I'm guessing from a personal standpoint as well.

Dr Amy Robbins: 8:15

Yeah, I mean I had, like I said, I was practicing at this time and I had really, been curious suddenly like this was cracked open for me and so I did I worked with a medium for several years and I took classes there's a place near me that offers continuing education classes and more of these spiritual practices shamanism and mediumship and different types of healing modalities. And so I pursued that and I listened, you know, I took all these classes and I did this training. I called it, it was like a spiritual mentorship and a spiritual internship. And I did readings for people for about four or five months where I would just have people, friends of friends come into my home and I would do a mediumship readings for them. And then I realized that that really wasn't the path I wanted to go down. I really appreciated the deep, work that I'm able to do with people in the therapeutic space and I felt like mediumship was a way of giving that up. It just didn't feel completely aligned with what I was wanting to do. And so I went back to my clinical practice, but now really do incorporate so much more of those intuitive experiences that I have. And when I do get those downloads or hits or, flashes of insight, I have figured out how to use them and how to integrate them into my clinical work in a way that can help. the patient move forward, but not necessarily by saying that this is specifically what I'm doing.

Hoyt: 9:44

So Amy, you mentioned that in that sort of seminal event for you with your aunt and your mother. that your aunt was speaking to you, and not directly to your mother, why do you think that you were the one that was chosen for that kind of communication? and what defines that receptivity?

Dr Amy Robbins: 10:06

Yeah, I think that there were a few things I think one, I am very open and curious. And so I think that that, that was like an inroad. I think that where I was emotionally, Certainly the time that I tell often the story when I share this visit was actually not the first time I had had a visit from her. I had had a previous visit from her that I didn't know that that's what it was. I attributed it to a dream but she had come to me shortly after she died and And she was very, everything about her looked beautiful. Like her skin was glowing, which it had not been obviously because she had had all of these kidney and pancreas issues. And she just looked healthy. And she said to me, I'm healthy. I'm healed. Please let everybody know I'm okay. So I had had that previously, but I didn't know that that's what it was. And I'm guessing that part of why she came to me was because I was so in the throes of grief and really struggling. with the experience, but also really open to these possibilities. And, I think I continued to cultivate that. I think maybe being psychologically minded perhaps, um, Honestly, on some level, I'm not really sure why she came to me. there was an easy in road and I was open to it and she took it. I think that was, that's kind of the big thing. It definitely frustrates my mom a little bit that she never, she's never come to her in that way. She's come, she comes to her in other ways, but not as specific as that was.

Hoyt: 11:39

Well, I would guess that if that kind of experience happened for probably the majority of people, they would be quick to attribute that to, Oh, that was a dream, right? And then pass it off. Right. and you were curious enough to turn around and actually listen.

Dr Amy Robbins: 11:54

Right. I think because when I shared it, it was validated. It wasn't just like, Oh, that's nice. It was like, you know, my mom had said specifically that was exactly what I was doing last night in that exact spot. And same with my uncle. I mean, I didn't go from that experience right into mediumship, right? I had that experience and just did chalk it up to like that was a one off thing. And then when it started happening more frequently, And when I had a little bit more mental space, you know, I wasn't in grad school anymore. I had, the second time it happened, I had already had my second child, so it wasn't like I was in the throes of, you know, the practicalities of life. I had a little bit, a little tiny bit, because my son was still a baby, but a little bit more space to start to access these different states, these, non ordinary states of consciousness, which I think is what allowed for that.

Hoyt: 12:51

you talk about, on your website and, in many of your, social media communications about using the wisdom of death to tap into your essence and live a more meaningful life. what does that mean to you?

Dr Amy Robbins: 13:06

So a lot of people talk about purpose, and I don't see it that way. I think that our soul comes here, I do believe we are not just here once, we come here multiple times, many people have had near death experiences, talk about this concept of a life review where they experience their life as soon as they die, like in that instant, from the perspective of the people around them, so good or bad, so they might step into each person's shoes and sometimes they have incredible experiences where they feel how that person felt, and sometimes that's good, and sometimes that's not so good. So if we use that as a way to inform our soul, and think about our soul, and what our soul's purpose is here to do, uh, that can help us And, and so when I think about essence, what I really think about is what are the qualities that your soul is here to express in this lifetime? And I think when we use death, the physical death of our bodies, as, uh, kind of end point, but we also think about what happens next in that concept of the life review and your soul is here in this lifetime to grow beyond this lifetime to just grow that soul. It can shift how you live in this life. And so what is then the essence? What are the qualities that you want to express in this life? Are they qualities of love, compassion, joy, giving, charity? And then using those as guideposts that drive the conversation. What you do, the choices you make, how you interact, how you behave. If I want to be known as a kind, loving being, how does that look in all areas of my life? And am I expressing that in my work? Am I expressing that in my home life? Am I expressing that in my community? And am I expressing that as I walk through life on a day to day basis? And if you are, then you don't have to worry about what your purpose is because you're living from a place of essence every single day. And then. all of those pieces will unfold and you will feel like you are living in alignment with your soul.

Hoyt: 15:26

this sounds very familiar to me from my, studies of some of the Buddhist texts. how would you characterize how you look at death as a transition? Versus what the classical Buddhist view of reincarnation is.

Dr Amy Robbins: 15:46

I mean, I think it's very similar. I haven't studied in depth Buddhist texts, so I don't know that I could speak to that, from a, scholarly place, but I think it is in alignment with a lot of what's talked about in many religions, you know, like, how are you living from God's source universe? from that consciousness of love.

Hoyt: 16:08

And this understanding of death, I mean, for, a large majority of people today. live in fear of death and believe it to be some kind of termination that's worth running away from and avoiding at all costs. And of course, anybody that's living a full life wants to continue to live this full life and enjoy it. But how does, understanding that being a transition and impermanence, then, what is that release in you that allows you to live more fully in the present moment?

Dr Amy Robbins: 16:45

Yeah, I think that when we, well, a few things, one, I have the juxtaposition of like our soul goes on, but also our physical body dies in this lifetime. And so I think about both of those things and that death is our greatest teacher. If we didn't die, how does that then change how we live? Like, if we didn't think that tomorrow I could step off the curb and get hit by a bus, even though I believe, and this is where it kind of gets your, you can kind of, your mind can kind of go a little bonkers, but, I believe that our soul goes on, and I also believe that if tomorrow I get hit by a bus, I'm not here in the same way. I am no longer embodied. So and the people that I love are left behind. So how do I want that to inform how I live every day? Because that's really where you can change and shift how you live. It's like, what do I want my interactions to feel like today? One, because How do I want the people around me to feel if I died tomorrow? And two. What does that mean about my soul continuing? What is that soul gonna look like? What is it gonna feel like when I have that life review? Do I want to experience the pain and suffering that I've caused in others? Or do I want to experience the love, the joy, the kindness, the giving, the community, all of those more positive qualities that I want to impart on the world? And I think, again, this doesn't mean I'm perfect. I just try to use it as a guiding light. do have a bit of a contemplative death practice to think about, you know, if I say something hurtful to someone and tomorrow I do step off the curb and get hit by the bus. is that how I want my last interaction with them to have been? One, for my human self, and two, for my soul self.

Hoyt: 18:35

But you're carrying this even further here than just the helping people on a, on a one on one basis in your practice, because you've been doing this podcast for Five years now, a little over five years

Dr Amy Robbins: 18:51

hmm.

Hoyt: 18:51

you've got over 360 some episodes. This must be a mission for you. So, tell me about what you do with the podcast and why that's important to you.

Dr Amy Robbins: 19:03

You know, I started the podcast when I was finally comfortable with the fact that this was my truth. And, I decided I didn't want to be a medium for reasons that we have talked about, but I did want to share what I was learning with other people and I wanted to share it with them from the perspective of someone who is, I like to think of myself as pretty grounded. Uh, I'm a mom. I have three kids. I volunteer in the community. You know, do my grocery shopping and my cooking and my laundry and like all the things that people do. And I have this whole belief system that informs how I interact with the world. And that belief system is really spiritually based. It's not religiously based, it's spiritually based. And It helped me so much in my own journey of healing and that I felt like if other people could just be a little bit open and curious, they didn't have to believe it, they didn't have to become full believers that when you die your soul goes on and loved ones come back to us and they give us signs and they help guide us and we have spirit guides and angels and all of that. You don't have to even go that far, although I do on the podcast. You just have to start to be curious and start to wonder and start to open up to the awe and beauty and joy in the world and you can start to live a really meaningful connected life. and so once I was able to realize that my job wasn't to convince other people that this reality that was my reality is true, but if I could just maybe show them all these different experts and all these different examples of how this. is very much, this, this is a truth for so many people. Maybe it would help people in their grief. Maybe it would help them with their depression. Maybe it would help them manage their anxiety. Maybe it would help them live more meaningful relationships from a place of joy and love and excitement and wonder and awe. And so that was really in many ways the impetus for the podcast was like, can I just bring this into the consciousness in a way that feels digestible for people that isn't super woo, that I'm not just talking about. always connecting with dead loved ones, but that it's done in a really grounded way to help you grow. And that's where when I was just doing the mediumship, my fake mediumship and my mediumship internship, I felt like the what's next, like, okay, you have this information. Now what, what are you going to do with it? How are you going to use it to grow? And so my podcast is really about like hopefully taking some of the information and integrating it into your life so you can use it to learn and grow.

Hoyt: 21:47

So, there are, I'm guessing, I mean, like millions of people out there whose comprehension of spirituality and the importance of that spirituality in their lives are, if not identical to yours, very close to yours. And that's what I'd really like to talk about today, because Mostly, what we talk about on Behind the Swipe are issues that men and women in midlife and beyond encounter when they find themselves looking for love and looking for relationships online. And it occurred to me in the conversation that I had with Dr. Karan that for people who have that spiritual bent, if they were only to limit the potential prospect pool of romantic partners to just those people who were closely aligned to them, it might be a far smaller pool than one would hope. And so, so what I want to talk about here is, all right, well, what do you do as a spiritually enlightened person, in terms of communicating that to prospective romantic partners, and then particularly when there's a difference between my level of spirituality and this person that I'm interested in. I'd love to get your thoughts on that.

Dr Amy Robbins: 23:11

So I would think of it similar to any other kind of trait that you're looking for in a partner. is this something that's compatible, right? We do that with maybe religion. We do that with maybe children. Do you have children? Do you not have children? Like how much of this is a deal breaker for someone? And what I think, and certainly, you know, I'll be, get personal here in my marriage. This is not anywhere close to where I started. And I sometimes tease my husband. I'm like, do you wonder like who you married? Because the person that I was in the person that I am at this point are very, very different people. I mean, there's obviously some similarities underneath everything, but this spiritual kind of embrace that I have with life is, is quite different from how we were when we met, frankly, around the time my aunt died because I got the call only two or three, I think maybe a month into our dating. but I really see spirituality in the way that I would any, again, anything else where Can the person that I'm choosing to be with, that I want to be with, they don't have to buy into it, but can they support me in it? Or is it going to be something that they shut down? Like if your partner loves golf, you don't have to love golf to be partnered with them, but you have to have some compromise around, like, if they're going to be golfing every weekend, And you're not. that might be a deal breaker. You know, that might be something that really, um, gets in the way of your relationship because You're just too far apart and you didn't talk about what that could look like. But for me, my partner has been extremely supportive of my exploration. Now, does he believe in it? I don't, I don't think Maybe sometimes he's a little bit curious, but he doesn't totally He doesn't understand it and he's, he needs to, he wants to understand like the nuances behind it all and he wants it all explained to him. And, and so I think like in any relationship, this is where the therapist in me comes in. It's always about communication. It always goes back to communication. How are you communicating with someone that you're dating, that this is an interest of yours, that this is something you're, You know, curious about and just getting a sense for where they fall with that. How do they feel about it? What do they think about it? What spiritual beliefs do they have? Do they not have? Have they lost someone they loved? What do they believe happens when we, when they die? I mean, these don't need to be deal breakers in relationships, like, but like anything it could be.

Hoyt: 25:53

So just even knowing the lay of the land can only be established by, having really good communications about that. And like you said, it doesn't have to be the third degree or a big grilling right up front. It's just, all right, let's peel this onion back just a layer at a time here and figure out where we're similar, where we're different. Because as you know, there can be a broad spectrum between somebody that fully embraces the spirituality that you do and someone who is antagonistic toward it,

Dr Amy Robbins: 26:26

right, right. And I think if someone's antagonistic towards it, that gives you insight into the person that they are. So spirituality to me is again just a one other kind of part of my personality. And this happens in my friendships too. I certainly have many friends who have no interest in this. they don't believe in it, They don't listen to my podcast. They don't want to hear about my meditations or my spirit guides or any of that. You know, I know it's different in a intimate relationship because you know, there tends to be more, you might be taking more time away or things like whatever it is, bringing practices into your home. but again, I think you can get to a point in a relationship where you don't need someone to do everything you're doing the way that you're doing it, you just need them to support you in doing it and not criticize or critique or question or degrade you for doing it, then that's really where healthy relationships can grow and develop. It's like you are you and I am me and part of what I love about my husband is that sometimes he'll push back on me. And he'll be like, eh, I'm not sure about that. Or, why do you think, you know, help, help me understand, explain that to me. again, that, he's supportive of my work, he's supportive of my exploration, he's supportive of my spirituality, but he doesn't need to be on the, fully in the passenger seat of it all.

Hoyt: 27:53

so how do you suppose, Amy, that, you know, most people that are dating in their 40s and 50s and beyond right now are actually dating online. And so you're seeing all these profiles with just a little bit of text and a few photos. Are there any in your mind, obviously you haven't lived in that world for a long time, if at all.

Dr Amy Robbins: 28:17

I live in it with my patience, so I'm well versed in it. I do a lot of, um, A lot of my patients are, you know, middle aged and are either widowed or widowers or, um, divorced. And so I do a lot of kind of, I don't know, more dating exploration and playing on the apps with them and seeing what's written. So I have a sense of what's out there.

Hoyt: 28:44

so what kind of clues can you determine, do you suppose, from somebody's online profile that might be an indicator to you that they would be at least accepting, if not embracing, of your spirituality.

Dr Amy Robbins: 29:01

Well, I think you have to maybe go beyond the online profile, but I think that some red flags around spirituality typically would be like, I don't even want to say because I feel like it would almost be stereotyping to say, this means that they're not spiritual and this means they are. There, there are so many people that I've met that in a million years I would never have thought would have a meditation practice or would be open to exploring any sort of sound healing or yoga practice or anything. And you just, You bring it up to them and they're like, Oh yeah, I've done that. Or I love that. Or I'm curious about that. So I think that I, I would want to certainly be careful making assumptions about someone. I mean, I think you can probably better assess something like that in a conversation by just like asking, you know, even things as simply as like, what do you do to de stress? How do you manage stress? Like things like that can give you insight. Typically people who have more spiritual practices do meditate, do do yoga. Like those are. not always, but those are sort of initial kind of, into the spiritual space. You

Hoyt: 30:09

Uh huh.

Dr Amy Robbins: 30:09

so I think looking for and asking those questions, like, do you have a spiritual practice? I always ask that questions in my assessments when I see patients. And it's interesting to me because sometimes the people that I will, would have assumed, would have said, I have no spiritual practice, have very deep spiritual practices. They, you know, like you, they read Buddhist texts. They, integrate that into their lives. Maybe it's a religious spiritual experience. They go to church every weekend. Like, that's spirituality. Um, and so I think that it, it is about certainly not dismissing someone off the bat, but spending the time to ask the questions and get to know what looks like for them. I mean, there are some people who go way far out. they claim they talk to aliens and. beings from other dimensions, that might be a little far for someone, but you're no one's gonna I mean they might put that in a profile and that will certainly weed out a lot of people But most people aren't gonna do that, right? That's gonna be something that you're gonna have to learn as you have more conversations and get to know someone Know where those practices lie

Hoyt: 31:17

if they show up with a tinfoil hat, you know that that's probably a non starter.

Dr Amy Robbins: 31:20

right, right. That might be, you know, or they just like came back from like a trip to UFO hunt or something, which could be cool. But, um, right, then you're going to know or like their whole profile is, you know, aliens posted or something like that.

Hoyt: 31:36

Again, all on the spectrum. But you brought something up as a concept there that I think probably aligns really well. And it's One of the characteristics that I hear over and over again is one of the most important attractive characteristics in a potential romantic partner. And that is curiosity. So for you, it sounds like in your description of your husband, even though he may not share your spirituality in, in full, he's got enough curiosity to know, to appreciate that this is something that is important for you to explore. And I would guess that that's the same kind of trait that you would look for in somebody that you might be dating online as well.

Dr Amy Robbins: 32:18

Absolutely. Absolutely. Because that's about acceptance. That's, does this person accept me for who I am? And this is who I am. And, and if he's not gonna accept me, then we've got much bigger issues than the fact that I'm spiritual, right? Because this is just a part of me. It's like, if you don't like my hazel eyes, you know, you don't like my spirituality. It's all part of me. And I think that if we are clear, if you are in your own convictions about who you are, then you're gonna know whether or not this person is for you or can tolerate that clarity because this is about spirituality, but this is about so much more than that. It really is about, stepping into who you are and being comfortable with who you are. And if the person that you're with isn't comfortable with who you are because of your spirituality, then they're probably not the right person for you.

Hoyt: 33:12

I can absolutely see that. And that makes perfect sense. So Amy, let's flip the script here

Dr Amy Robbins: 33:17

Mm hmm.

Hoyt: 33:17

bit. So We've been talking about this from the perspective of a spiritually evolved person. Let's talk about it from the perspective of somebody that is, I don't even know how to categorize this. I would say, driven by logic and rationality and not particularly accepting. of spirituality, not antagonistic, because that's a whole nother group of folks. But if you are that person and you meet online, someone who is telling you that they believe that there are these. spiritual reincarnations and things like that, how should you then communicate that effectively? how do you established communications around that that is respectful yet remains skeptical.

Dr Amy Robbins: 34:12

I think from both sides, it's about being curious and being open and being understanding. So, If I'm super skeptical, which I've been before about this and sometimes still slip into that space, I just want to learn. so if you're in a relationship with someone who is on the spiritual end and you aren't, can you be open and curious? and maybe you decide that that's not for you, but. maybe once in a while I'm going to watch golf if my partner loves to watch golf, or once in a while I'm going to, go to the farmer's market and cook a meal because that's something that my partner likes to do. It doesn't mean that I have to become a chef. It just means that sometimes I engage in things with the person that I care about because I want it to feel like a partnership and I want it to feel loving and supportive and warm and caring and all of the things that make relationships you can be a skeptic and not be an asshole, right? Like, you can, you can ask questions and be curious and not be rude about it. And, and I think that then that shows that there's respect there. in the relationship. There's just a basic level of like, you don't need to believe what I believe, I don't need to believe what you believe, but we can be respectful of what the other person believes.

Hoyt: 35:32

Well, it doesn't, in a relationship, doesn't that cut across? all of these elements where there might be differences. If there's not respect, then you really probably don't have a basis for a relationship.

Dr Amy Robbins: 35:44

Exactly. Exactly.

Hoyt: 35:47

So how else does this play out for you and for the people that you work with, in terms of improving your relationships, not just your romantic relationships, but more broadly in your relationships with other people. as you've evolved in your understanding of your spirituality, how have you changed in the way that you deal with other people? And what does that do to the quality of your relationships?

Dr Amy Robbins: 36:15

I think I'm more honest with myself. I'm more accepting of myself. So, and that's all of my humanness. Like that is the parts of me that are critical and judgmental and at times envious, and also the parts of me that are loving and warm and kind and open and accepting, and so it's, I think that as a whole, I've just personally become much more. Accepting of the whole of myself and the whole of others, like that we are each on our own path here. My path is not your path. Your path is not my path. My job isn't to get you over to my path. And this plays out in my relationships, in my friendships, in my parenting, in my community. my kids for example, they are all on their own journeys. So what I want for them and what they want for themselves are two different things and I can't project all of my stuff that I want for them onto them because then they are no longer their own, their own. little spiritual beings who are here on their own path. And so I think that that really, because that was the impetus for the podcast, and once I was able to get out of my own way with that and get away from trying to convince other people, like if other people just believed what I believed, then in some way that would validate what I believed. And that I couldn't believe it on its own merits. And I think once that shift happened for me, Everything else just became so much easier because it was my truth that I was speaking and I could speak from that place of authenticity and vulnerability and truth and I no longer needed the approval of other people. it's something that I so intuitively know in my core that it really doesn't matter what other people think about it and so when you stop caring what other people think. Your whole world changes because how you behave changes, how you interact with people changes, how you present yourself changes and you can step into being more fully who you are. And I think as a result, everything just is better from that place.

Hoyt: 38:34

So let's bring this back to one of the topics that we started talking about which was the topic of one potential partner being Spiritually more evolved and the other not being so it sounds like in your personal relationship with your husband, you're not bent on bringing him over to your view. How do you counsel people around that particular issue? Because Naturally, if this brings you joy and contentment and fulfillment in the beliefs and practices that are associated with this, you want to share that, but there's a line of respect that says maybe you shouldn't, right? So how do you kind of counsel people around, not overselling.

Dr Amy Robbins: 39:26

that you feel like you're not sharing, you need to look at why you feel that way. I think if I couldn't express this part of who I was in my relationship, then I need to be looking at myself and why I'm maybe staying in a relationship where I can't do that. and I get that this is complex, and there are, there can be many reasons for that, and I'll invite my husband along with me to things. So I'll say to him, do you want to come to a sound bath? Which for some people would feel really woo and way out there. And he said yes, and he came and he had an amazing experience. And he's like, I can't believe sometimes I'll go without him. And he'll be like, I can't believe you went without me. Or I'll introduce him to meditation, and say, you should try this. Like, it doesn't need to be like, you need to sit and communicate with your spirit guides, but there, there are all kinds of spiritual tools and practices that one can bring into a relationship that don't have to feel so out there and woo. again, to go back to the of golf, which is so stereotypical, but It works right now. Like I don't necessarily need to play four days in a row, 36 holes, but maybe I go to the driving range every once in a while. There's that give and take in any relationship. And again, like he, I'm sitting here, I've got like my oracle deck, I've got my sprays, I've got my incense, I've got my crystals, like I have it all. And I don't need to throw it in his face, like this is, you have to do this. Because Then I need to look at why it's so important for me to need him to do this. What does that then mean for me? What does that mean about what I feel like I need that I can't look within myself and find?

Hoyt: 41:17

So, Amy, is there anything else that you can think of that's relevant to this topic that we forgot to cover?

Dr Amy Robbins: 41:23

I, I think it's just about exploring your relationship from a place of openness and curiosity and not shutting down someone else's ideas and not being afraid to share your own. Because Each are valid and important. And if you are in a place where that's happening, then I do think might be a time to look at, the sustainability of the relationship because you're not being true to yourself and to who you are and spirituality or not spirituality that should cover all aspects of your relationship.

Hoyt: 41:58

Well, that is very, very sage advice. Dr. Amy Robbins, before we leave here today, remind people how they can find your podcast and remind people how they can find your website and find you on Instagram or any of the other socials.

Dr Amy Robbins: 42:12

Sure. Thank you so much too for having me. so I am anywhere podcasts, it's life, death, and the space between, You can find me on Instagram, which is where I'm the most active at Dr. Amy Robbins. And I do reply to dms and everything in there, and you can, find me on my website@dramyrobbins.com. I've got a course coming out. I've got a community that you can join called The Space Between Community. if you are a donator. If you are a Patreon or you donate to the podcast, you automatically get, added to the community. So it's just a space for people to explore and discuss all different aspects of spirituality and how they're integrating it into their lives.

Hoyt: 42:57

Well, Dr. Amy Robbins, thanks so much again for being here and shedding so much light on really a complicated topic. This has been fantastic. Thank you so much.

Dr Amy Robbins: 43:06

you so much for having me.

Hoyt: 43:13

A big, thanks to Dr. Amy Robins for joining us today. And sharing such fascinating stories and perspectives. Today we explored how the awareness of our own death can actually enrich our lives in relationships. Highlighting the importance of spiritual compatibility and mutual respect. In the realm of online dating. Especially for those of us reentering this world later in life. To our listeners. Keep these insights in mind as you navigate your own paths. Whether you're deepening your own spiritual connections or just starting to explore these aspects. Remember. There's a profound strength and authenticity, and open-heartedness in your relationships. Thank you for tuning in to behind the swipe. I'm your host Hoyt Prisock. Until next time. Swipe fearlessly.